


The Night Will Be Over Soon

by ParadoxProphet



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Golden Deer Route, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Golden Deer Route Spoilers, Flashbacks, Hallucinations, Memories, Mental Health Issues, Minor Claude von Riegan/Original Female Character(s), Most of them are, NaNoWriMo, NaNoWriMo 2020, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Surprisingly not all of those tags are because of Dimitri, Survivor Guilt, Tags May Change, Trauma, Yeah there's a lot of heavy stuff in this fic but it's Dimitri centric so yeah, You gotta expect that, it's complicated - Freeform, well sort of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:46:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 28,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27422191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ParadoxProphet/pseuds/ParadoxProphet
Summary: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd should have died in Gronder Field that day, but instead he found himself alive, if he could even say someone like him is truly alive. Now he finds himself back in Garreg Mach Monastery, injured and needing to heal. And the one taking care of him is the girl he loved five years ago but felt he could not have. Now he must confront those feelings, whether he wants to or not, and the memories of those innocent student days. But will he let himself heal? Or will he keep himself chained to his past?
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> After all these years of writing, I've decided to finally give NaNoWriMo a shot! Woo, go me! I technically had this done last night, but I didn't feel like posting a chapter at midnight so I'm doing it now.
> 
> So, if you're paying attention to what I've been posting lately, you'll know I started posting another fic that involves the same OC. First off, the fics don't connect to each other and take place in separate universes, so you don't have to read I'll Come Back When You Call Me alongside this if you don't want to. There might be some lore and backstory stuff that'll only be in this fic or that fic, but that's about it.
> 
> Second, my update schedule for these fics is gonna be a bit strange. Since this one is my NaNoWriMo attempt, I'll be focusing on this one throughout the month and it'll update when I get chapters done. I'll Come Back When You Call Me has some chapters in the backlog already, so for now I'm gonna update that on Saturdays during November. Once the month is over, I'll be switching to updating these fics as I see fit and will switch between them. I'll probably figure things out better when I get to that point though.
> 
> One last thing, if you have some ideas for scenarios you want to see in this story, feel free to suggest them! If the tags weren't obvious enough, it's gonna take some time before we get to these two being happy so having some things in between would help.

Vengeance. Retribution. Edelgard’s head. Those were the only things Dimitri had been thinking about when he made his way to Gronder Field that day. He was going to stop the Empire. He was going to kill Edelgard, as the voices had told him. Even though the only man by his side was Dedue, the rest of the Blue Lions having defected to the Alliance long ago, he didn’t care. He was going to kill that woman for everything she’d done, or die trying. After all, he was a disgraced prince who everyone believed to be dead, his fate meant nothing now.

What he hadn’t expected though, was that Claude’s army would be there too. No matter, they were just obstacles to him. He was ready to fight anyone who would stand in his way, no matter what they once were. Nothing mattered aside from that woman’s death.

And so he fought. Empire and Alliance alike, he was willing to strike them down. Just as long as he could reach his prize. But the Alliance was a rogue element. They pushed back her forces, but she remained alive. No matter, he could attack her while her back was turned! Or so he thought. Before he knew it, Empire forces surrounded him. This was it. This was the moment he died. At least he could take out some of her dogs with him, he thought. He didn’t count how many he took down, it wouldn’t matter once he was dead. He felt a piercing sensation in his back, and then another in his chest. Then another, and another, and another. He figured this was it, this was how he died. He stumbled to the ground, gripping his lance to keep him standing as much as possible. Just because this was his end didn’t mean he’d just fall over and die.

The voices berated him, judging him for letting himself die before getting their vengeance. He deserved it, he never should’ve lived in the first place. “Mother... Father... Glenn... I’m sorry…” he muttered, his vision beginning to blur. His grip began to falter, and he was ready for death’s embrace.

“DIMITRI!”

A shout shocked him back to consciousness. A voice had called out his name, but it was not the voices he’d been hearing, nor was it Dedue or any of his former classmates, but he did recognize it. Although his vision was still foggy, he could see someone approaching from the distance. A blurry purple shape had gotten the remaining soldiers attention, and was now striking them down. That voice, could it be…?

He fell to the ground, unable to stay standing any longer. The last of the Empire soldiers fell to the ground, and the person attacking them rushed towards him. “Dimitri! Stay with me! Please, don’t die on me!”

He wanted to tell her that he couldn’t stop himself from dying, that he deserved this anyway, but the words wouldn’t come. He felt weak, out of breath. It’d just be easier if he just...let himself slip away…

\------------------------------------

He expected to find himself in the afterlife, burning eternally for the sins he’d committed, but that wasn’t the case. At first, he thought he’d found himself finding peace, but he still felt pain so that couldn’t have been the case. He managed to open his eye, finding himself looking up at a ceiling. It seemed that death had not claimed him, which meant he still had a job to do.

He attempted to sit up, he needed a better look of his surroundings, but he moved too fast. A pain in his torso shot through him as he hissed from the pain. Clutching where he felt the pain, he found that he was no longer wearing his armor. He’d been removed of his clothing, at least from the waist up as far as he could tell, and was wrapped in bandages. Before he could question things further, someone spoke to him.

“Dimitri! You’re awake!” He glanced to the source of the voice, finding Marianne von Edmund looking at him. She let out a sigh of relief before rushing to his side. “Try not to move so quickly, you’re still very injured. We tried our best to heal your wounds, but magic can only do so much.”

He wanted to disregard her words, he had to kill Edelgard, he didn’t have time to sit around in bed. But as much as he hated it, he was in no shape to fight her while he was still so injured. The pain he felt just trying to sit up was enough proof of that. He had to stay here until he could fight again. “...Fine.” he muttered, his voice strained and hoarse. How long had he been unconscious?

His answer seemed to satisfy her at least, as she gave a small smile. “Wait here, I’m sure you have a lot of questions but I can’t answer them. I’ll go get Claude and the professor,” She stood up and gestured to the table next to her. “There’s a glass of water here and some food if you need any. You’ve been out for a few days, so I’d be surprised if you didn’t need any. Feel free to ask me or the others if you need anything.” And with that, she left the room, looking back to see if he did need something before making her way out the door.

Well, at least the time alone would give him the chance to figure out where he was. It didn’t take long though, as he easily recognized the room as the infirmary of Garreg Mach. He was lying in a bed closest to the windows, and on the other side was indeed a glass of water and a tray with bread and cheese. He carefully grabbed the glass, not wanting to break it with his strength, and downed the entire contents. At least that way his voice wouldn’t sound so hoarse. Set aside on the other end of the room were his armor, lance, and shirt, the shirt folded on top of his cape which was also folded. Someone had washed them from the looks of it, as he couldn’t spot a single bloodstain. He felt his stomach rumble, remembering it had been a while since he’d last eaten, and grabbed a piece of cheese off of the food tray. At least he could still taste that.

He wasn’t sure how long it’d been since Marianne had left, but he heard a set of footsteps outside the door, three people from the sound of it. And soon the door opened, but only Claude and Byleth entered. Strange, he knew he heard a third person. Perhaps they went somewhere else?

“Glad to see you awake, Dimitri. We weren’t sure if you were gonna make it.” Claude flashed a grin at him. Some things never changed. Byleth just smiled at him, clearly relieved to see him alive. For a moment, Dimitri thought he saw something move behind them outside of the room, but he couldn’t tell for sure.

“Claude. Professor. So the rumors of you amassing an army were true,” he muttered, voice still a bit hoarse. He spoke not of whether he was thankful for being here or not, he wasn’t sure if he was grateful to be alive yet. “How did I get here?”

“Wow. Straight to the point I see,” Claude said. “After you passed out on the battlefield, we brought you back here and tried to heal your wounds. We’re not just gonna let the Empire claim your life after all.”

That was one question answered. “Is Dedue here?”

“Yes. He helped us bring you back here,” Byleth said. “He insisted on coming with us, we told Marianne to let him know you’re awake.”

Of course. Dedue would never leave his side no matter what. He could try to abandon him and he’d still find him. “How long must I stay in this bed?”

“That’s for the healers to decide, not us,” Byleth answered, crossing her arms. “You’ve been asleep for the past three days recovering from those wounds you suffered at Gronder. Manuela says that you’re lucky to be alive right now, a moment later and you wouldn’t have made it.”

Lucky? He didn’t feel lucky in the slightest. Luck was never on his side. “I see.”

“Don’t worry, we don’t intend on keeping you locked out of our strategy meetings just because you’re stuck in bed. It’s gonna take a while for you to be back in fighting condition, but we want your opinion too.” Claude added.

He wasn’t sure if that really mattered. He wasn’t fit for strategy discussions anyhow. But he was in no real state to argue, so he’d deal with it later. “...Why did you bother saving me?” The question slipped out before he could stop it.

Neither answered him. Claude seemed to glance at the doorway and Byleth looked over her shoulder. Once again, he thought he saw something move out there but he couldn’t see what it was. Perhaps he would never know. The pair looked back at him. “We can’t really answer that.”

That was a strange answer. “Very well. I have no other questions then. You can leave now.” His words came out more venomous than he intended, but it didn’t matter. He wished to be alone for a while so he could sort through his thoughts. And if that meant being harsh, then so be it.

Claude and Byleth frowned at each other before leaving the room, whispering to each other as they did. ...Perhaps he was too harsh. But he wanted some peace. Dedue would no doubt check in on him soon, and the healers would also return at some point. Silence usually invited the dead to haunt him, but he’d deal with it as he was accustomed to doing. He noticed that only one set of footsteps walked away from the infirmary though, meaning someone was still there. He briefly heard Claude’s voice talking to someone, but he couldn’t hear what it was about nor the other person. Perhaps it was the third person from before? Another set of footsteps left, but someone still remained outside.

For once, silence felt deafening. He had no idea who was out there and why they stayed. Minutes passed and no one came in. Knowing there was someone there was irritating him. After what felt like too long, Dimitri called out. “Whoever you are, if you wish to speak with me then get in here and get it over with!”

He heard a gasp, then a deep breath. A few more footsteps sounded until the person entered the room, and he was surprised to see who was standing there.

At first, he thought it was a ghost of his past, as the girl seemed unchanged from the way she was five years ago. Still clad in the female Garreg Mach uniform, brown hair still long, was a student from the Golden Deer house that he recognized easily. “...Katrina?” he muttered, blinking and seeing the way she truly looked. No longer was she clad in the old uniform, but now she wore an outfit of light purple and white fit for a noble versed in swordplay. The only other color was a yellow cape draped over her shoulders. Her hair was shorter as well, where before it had reached her back it now was past her shoulders. The small braid she used to wear on her left side was also gone. He did manage to spot a flower in her hair though, one he instantly recognized as a gladiolus, but he didn’t know if it was real or not. Yet despite the different appearance, it was clearly still Katrina von Richter.

He wasn’t sure whether he was overjoyed to see her after five years, or filled with dread that she’d come to see him.

It seemed she was also conflicted, as her expression was hard to read and she wasn’t looking him in the eye. If he didn’t know better, he’d think she was scared of him. Maybe she was, after the last time they’d spoken. Part of him felt that’d be preferable. She finally looked at him though, a nervous smile and nervous laughter following it. “Um, hello Dimitri.” she said.

Her voice...it’d been so long since he’d last heard it. Wait, no, he had heard it recently. She was the one calling for him before he fell in battle, she’d screamed his name and ran to save him. But why? Why her?

“Katrina, I suspect you are the one who saved me at Gronder Field?” he asked, his tone nowhere near as harsh as it was when telling Claude and Byleth to leave. He hadn’t tried to change it, it just came out that way.

She began twiddling her thumbs, looking everywhere else but him. “Uh, yeah. That was me. I’m surprised you knew it was me though.”

“I heard your voice calling out to me,” he said. “You begged me to stay with you, to not die on you.”

“Oh, you heard all that,” She looked down at her shoes, most certainly avoiding his gaze. Perhaps she was scared of him after all. Or at least that’s what he hoped for. He held no hatred for the Alliance noble, but he couldn’t let her back in. Not when she knew what he really was. She finally looked back at him though. “I meant all that, every word. I didn’t want you to die out there.”

She didn’t want him to die? Well, her saving him was obvious proof of that, but he still found it unbelievable. He had no reason to live, aside from avenging the dead who yelled in his ears. He was practically a dead man walking the earth already. What reason would she have to keep him alive though?

“Well? What reason do you have to see me now?” he asked, wanting to get things over with. The sooner she left, the easier it would be for him.

Katrina began to frown, and for a moment he thought he felt his heart sink at the sight of it. “I just...I wanted to see you again,” she admitted, a sadness present in her voice. “It’s been five years, everyone thought you were dead. And then you appear at Gronder Field out of the blue like that. Is it wrong for me to want to see you after all this time?”

Dimitri ignored the feeling in his chest, it served him no good after all. “I can’t stop you from coming here. Do whatever you wish, it doesn’t concern me,” He turned away towards the window, figuring it’d be easier if he wasn’t looking at her. “But if you have no other reason then leave.”

He thought he heard another sigh, but refused to turn and look at her. “...I see. I’ll go,” Her voice sounded even sadder somehow. Slow footsteps made their way out before pausing. “Let me know if you need anything, I’ll do what I can to help.” He didn’t respond, he simply waited until he was sure she’d left the room.

Katrina von Richter... Of course she’d be here. Of all the people he could’ve been saved by though, of all the people who he had to deal with, why did it have to be her? Hopefully he would have as little interaction with her as possible, it’d be better for them both in the end. He only intended to stay here until his wounds had healed enough, so reengaging things with her was pointless, a waste of time.

Despite it all, he found himself thinking back to the past, back to a time when things were simple…

\-----------------------------------------

_Dimitri smiled as he stood among his future classmates. It was good to make a first impression after all, and he had an image to uphold as the prince of Faerghus, and as the leader of the Blue Lions. He had exchanged pleasantries with the others, even meeting Edelgard and Claude, the leaders of the Black Eagles and the Golden Deer, but the evening was wearing on him. It was time for him to retire and settle in, he’d be spending a year here after all. He made his way out of the lively dining hall, intending to return to his room, only to run into someone when he stepped outside._

_The other person, a girl with long brown hair he did not recognize, had fallen backward after their collision. “Oh goddess, I’m so sorry!” she exclaimed. “I didn’t see you there, I wasn’t paying attention and-” She looked up at him, a look of horror plain on her face. “Ohhhhhh no, I bumped into the prince! Please forgive me, I didn’t mean to do it!”_

_“You don’t need to apologize, I wasn’t looking where I was going either!” he insisted, hoping to help her calm down. He reached her hand towards her. “It was just an accident, there’s no harm done at all. Here, allow me to help you up.”_

_His words seemed to calm her, though she wouldn’t look him in the eye. Still, she took his hand and let him help her._

_“Still, I should’ve been paying attention. It’s no good for me to go walking into royalty like that.” she said._

_“I assure you, I take no offence. I see you know who I am, but I don’t believe I know anything about you. Might I know your name?” he asked._

_“Oh, right, stupid me! My name is Katrina von Richter, I’m a noble from the Leicester Alliance! It’s an honor to meet you, Your Highness!” So her name was Katrina, he thought it was fitting for her._

_“Please, there’s no need to be so formal with me. You’re not even from the Kingdom, so there’s no need to call me that. Dimitri will do just fine.”_

_“Oh, yeah, right. Dimitri it is then,” She began using her free hand to play with the small braid on her left side. He couldn’t help but notice how similar it was to the one Claude had. Was it a coincidence? Katrina finally made eye contact with him. “I’m sorry, I know I keep apologizing, but this isn’t exactly how I thought our first conversation would go.”_

_“Well, such things can’t be planned. You’re from the Alliance then? A shame, I would’ve loved to get to know you better.” He figured it’d be best to change the subject, lest she linger on their meeting any longer. It seemed to do the trick, as she let out a chuckle._

_“I mean, it’s not as if that’s gonna keep us from talking to each other. You have a whole year to get to know me!” The awkward air surrounding them was dissipating._

_“Well, perhaps you could be persuaded to join the Blue Lions?” He intended it as a joke, but she seemed to take it seriously._

_“Ah, I’m afraid I can’t do that. I’m stuck in the Golden Deer, you see,” What’d she mean by that? Before he had the chance to ask, she changed the subject on him. “Are you leaving already? Most people are still enjoying the banquet.”_

_“It’s simply getting late. I’m starting to get worn out and was going to my room for the night,” he explained. “What about you? You left and now you’re going back in.”_

_Katrina let out a nervous laugh. “It just got too noisy in there for me, I needed to get out for a bit. Get some fresh air, you know?” Strange, he didn’t feel like it had gotten too loud at any point. He wasn’t going to argue though. He did recall seeing someone rush out earlier, though he hadn't really paid attention to who it was. Perhaps that was her._

_“I see. Anyway, I do hope you enjoy your evening, Katrina. And I do hope I get to know you more.”_

_“Uh, yeah! Likewise!” She began to look down and noticed that she was still holding his hand. She jerked her hand away, looking back at him in embarrassment. “I’ll uh, just be going now! See you later!” With that, she stepped past him and rushed into the dining hall._

_For a moment, he could only watch her as she left. Katrina von Richter, what a strange girl she was. Even though he felt it would be a bad idea, part of him wanted to know what was going on inside her head. Perhaps if their paths crossed again, he could learn more about her. But he wouldn’t pursue her, no. It’d be best for him not to get too close to her, for her sake if nothing more. She didn’t deserve to be hurt by his actions after all. He walked back to his room, wondering what the upcoming year would bring._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't really describe Katrina's outfit very well, because I don't really know how to do that, but if you want a better idea, so look for Chevalier D'eon from Fate Grand Order because that's the closest to the idea I have going for it. I'll put a link here later if I remember to do so.


	2. Chapter 2

The rest of the day goes by uneventfully. Dimitri had been worried that he’d have visitors plaguing him, but the only other person who came to see him had been Dedue. He proceeded to confirm what Dimitri already knew, but also filled in the blanks a bit more. Katrina had saved his life, and Dedue had found her hunched over his unconscious body begging for him to live. She pleaded with him to come back with them to Garreg Mach so Dimitri could receive medical treatment, and Dedue had helped bring him back so the healers could do their work.

Claude had given Dedue an invitation to join their army, an invitation that extended to Dimiri as well. Their campaign was focused on stopping Edelgard, a cause, Dedue explained, which lined up with their goals. But without Dimitri being awake, Dedue only agreed on a temporary basis. If nothing else, they would remain until the fallen prince had recovered and was at fighting strength. He felt it was the best compromise, seeing as Dimitri’s wounds were too severe and he couldn’t allow his liege to fight in such a state. He was surprised when Dimitri agreed, but he seemed pleased.

It had been two whole days since the battle at Gronder, and Dimitri had been unconscious the entire time. Dedue had asked to be notified the moment he awakened, but he wasn’t the only one. Obviously, Claude and Byleth wanted to know as well, seeing as they were the ones leading this army, but so did Katrina. Dimitri still didn’t understand what that girl was thinking, was she trying to cause herself pain?

“Does anyone else know of my condition?” he asked.

Dedue shook his head. “No. The rest of the army knows you are here, but they haven’t been informed of your awakening. I assume that word will soon spread though.”

“I see.” Great, he had hoped that few people knew of his presence but that was too much to ask for it seemed.

“I am afraid there is not much else I can do for you while you’re still recovering. I will inform you of any plans or discussions that are made in the meantime.”

“Do as you wish, I can’t stop you.”

Dedue did not respond, he simply looked at Dimitri with a stoic expression. “Why are you staring at me?”

“Ah, forgive me. It was not my intention to stare,” Dedue explained. “I merely noticed that you are, more subdued is the best way I can describe it.”

It’s true. While he still desired to take his revenge, the rage in his heart had subsided somewhat. It was not gone though, as the voices of the dead still screamed in his ears. Telling him to kill Edelgard and avenge their deaths. And he still desired to do so, although he didn’t deserve this second chance at life he was going to use it to his advantage. But even with all that, he did feel just the slightest bit different.

“Perhaps my dance with death has something to do with it. Nothing else has changed, after all.” It was the only thing he could think of that would cause it. That feeling of failure, the belief he was going to die there, the momentary acceptance of said death, it must have changed something in him though he didn’t know what. Perhaps once he had recovered he’d return to the monster he knew himself to be, and this was only temporary.

“Perhaps you are correct,” Dedue agreed, sitting up from the chair he had brought over to the bed. “In any case, do not make much trouble for the healers. The more you cooperate with them, the sooner you will be able to leave.”

“I’m aware.” Dimitri practically growled.

“Also, you should thank Katrina for saving you if you haven’t already. Had she not stepped in when she did, you would most certainly be dead.”

Dimitri scoffed. He saw no reason to thank her for such a thing, it mattered not if he was alive or dead as far as he was concerned. Dedue thought otherwise.

“Please, your highness. Perhaps I am overstepping by saying so, but I noticed she looked rather downtrodden earlier. If nothing else, you owe her your thanks.”

He didn’t want to listen, but he also knew he had a point. And as much as he wanted to ignore it, the mention of her looking sad caused the sinking feeling to return. “Fine,” he sighed. “If she comes back here, I’ll give her my thanks.”

He thought he saw a hint of a smile cross Dedue’s face. “Good. I’ll be taking my leave now. Let us hope you have a speedy recovery.” He left the room, leaving Dimitri alone once again.

“If he thinks I don’t know what he’s playing at…” he mumbled to himself once Dedue was gone.

\------------------------------------------------

The remainder of the day passed by without incident. Other healers came in to make sure he was doing okay or if he needed anything, but otherwise there were no other visitors. He preferred it that way. The less distractions, the better. But of course, people didn’t have to be there for him to be distracted. The voices still remained after all. They begged for vengeance, death, retribution. But he could not silence them. The dead cared not for his own injuries, it was only a waste of time. As the sun set and day turned into night, he silently begged for them to leave him be.

He didn’t know what hour it was, only that it was dark and quiet and that most people were asleep, but the screaming seemed to cease. Dimitri thought this would be a relief at first, until he saw the figure standing at the other end of the room. At first he thought it was one of the usual ghosts, but he quickly realized that it wasn’t. A young man stood there, staring him down intensely with piercing blue eyes. His blonde hair was neat and tidy, as if it had been combed every day. His black uniform had a blue cape resting on his shoulders. Dimitri couldn’t help but scoff at the sight.

“I know I see the old me as dead, but isn’t this taking it a bit too literally?” he asked. “I never thought I’d be haunted by myself, perhaps I truly have gone mad.”

“Perhaps you have,” His past self spoke with a stern tone, the voice familiar yet completely alien to his ears. It was the voice of a young man who was lying to the world, the voice of someone who didn’t know the truth, the voice of a fool who had lied to himself and convinced himself he could have friends. “Or perhaps there’s another reason I’m here that you don’t wish to consider.”

Dimitri scowled. “Like you would know anything about that,” he spat.

“Why wouldn’t I? I am you after all.”

“You are not me! Not anymore. The boy you were died the day I learned the truth.” He clenched the bedsheets with anger.

“If that’s what you wish to think, I won’t correct you,” His past self sat down in a chair, crossing his arms as he continued to stare into Dimitri’s soul. That is if there was a soul left to stare into. “Whether you like it or not, I’m still a part of you even if you try to bury me deep down where no one can reach.”

“Why are you here?” Dimitri growled. The room practically grew darker as he focused on the phantom of his past.

“You know why I’m here. I hope to convince you to not make the same mistake again.”

“What are you, my conscience?” Dimitri asked, sitting up and not even noticing the lack of pain. “‘The same mistake?’ What the hell are you talking about? You made plenty of mistakes. Ones I wasn’t planning on making again.”

His past self sighed. “You know exactly what mistake I mean. The one you’ve already started making.”

Dimitri’s eye widened, realizing just what he was being scolded for. “You’ve got to be joking! You know why I’m doing this! I cannot afford to get distracted by her again!”

“Distracted? Is that what you’re calling it then?” He stood back up, pacing over to the foot of the bed. “Or is it that you can’t afford to let her help you because you know what will happen if you do?”

“Shut up!” Dimitri screamed, getting out of bed and towering over the specter. “She is a waste of time, a mistake I foolishly let myself indulge in! I knew what the outcome would be and yet I let myself believe that it could be changed! She doesn’t need me!” He was practically growling as he grabbed hold of his past self by the collar of his uniform.

“You’re lying,”

The statement almost made him let go, until his past self continued talking. “Did you really think you could convince yourself that was the case? You say she’s a waste of time, yet your heart still yearns for her. You say she’s a mistake, yet you couldn’t even look her in the eye as you tried to chase her away. You say you knew the outcome, yet here you are, alive only because of her. You say she doesn’t need you, yet she tried to reach out to you after everything you’ve done! You know the truth, you just don’t want to face it!”

“What would _you_ know of her heart?! Who are you to lecture me?!” He slammed his past self onto the ground, pinning him to the ground beneath him. “It doesn’t matter anyway! She’s already out of my reach!”

The stern expression his past self wore didn’t change. “You know who I am. I’m you. I am Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd just as much as you are. And you only say she’s out of your reach because you think you can push her away and keep her from getting hurt. You think that she’ll go running into his arms if you keep her at a distance, but is that really what you want?”

“It doesn’t matter what I want! I’m a monster! All I’m good for is killing and hurting others! And she’ll be hurt if she gets involved with me!” He attempted to wrap his arms around their neck, but it didn’t stop them.

“So you admit you don’t want to hurt her. Even after all this time, you still care about her. So you push her away in the hopes that she’ll leave. Because you think you don’t deserve her kindness. Yet underneath all that, you still want to keep the promise you made to her.”

“ _Shut up!_ ” Dimitri screamed. He raised his fist and slammed it into their face, hoping it would shut them up for good. The moment of silence made him grin, but when he raised his hand he was met with a sight he didn’t expect. His past self had only one wound, a scar over their right eye. A scar he recognized all too well. His other hand left their neck, and soon they stood back up and looked down at him.

“You can only run from the truth for so long, Dimitri. Whether you choose to listen to me or not will change the course of events to come,” Blood was splattered on their face, and a familiar mantle rested over their shoulders. “What will you do? What do you want?”

Dimitri’s eye shot open. He was still in the bed, he’d been dreaming this whole time. When did he even fall asleep? He couldn’t remember. He tried to sit up, but the pain was still there so he had to move slowly. He looked around the room, finding no trace of his past self there or that he’d clashed with them. His body was covered in sweat though.

What a stupid dream. His past self lecturing him over Katrina? Ridiculous. He didn’t need to bother with it. His nightmares were usually worse than that. He slowly got back underneath the sheets, attempting to fall back asleep. Perhaps he’d be lucky and only have the one dream.

As he drifted back to sleep, he heard a faint humming from outside. It was hard to tell, it being so far away, but it felt familiar, and comforting. He didn’t even think about where it could be coming from as he fell back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dimitri arguing with his past self is one of the scenes that really made me want to write this fic. Maybe it's been done before, but oh well. No flashback scene because I couldn't find a good place to put it.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, Dimitri found a curious sight next to his bed. Sitting on the bedside table was a lone flower in a vase, blue petals bringing a splash of color to the room. He didn’t recognize it by glance alone, his knowledge of flowers was rather rusty admittedly. What confused him most though was how it had gotten there overnight. He’d thankfully managed to sleep soundly despite the dream he had, but he’d never been a sound sleeper and was easily awakened. But he knew it wasn’t there last night, meaning someone somehow had snuck in and left it there without disturbing him. He had to give them credit though, such a feat was not easily achieved.

He expected that he wouldn’t get the answers to his questions, but of course, his visitor that morning explained everything.

“Well, well, well. Looks like you’ve still got your charms after all, huh?” Sylvain asked as he sat down on the opposite bed, noticing the single flower and giving a supportive grin.

“What insane drivel are you talking about?” Dimitri asked as he looked over at the flirtatious cavalier. He found it easier to sit up this morning than he did yesterday. It still hurt, but the pain wasn’t as strong as before and was more tolerable.

“Oh right, you’re not as well-versed in flowers as I am,” Sylvain muttered. “What you’ve got here is a morning glory. They’re flowers that represent love, sometimes love that isn’t returned, sometimes love that hasn’t ended. And blue ones, well, they have additional meaning. They signify trust and respect. So whoever let this clearly has strong feelings for you.”

One flower meant all that? Flower language never made much sense to him, but this was the kind of thing Sylvain would know about so he didn’t doubt him. “That implies it was given to me with that purpose in mind,” Dimitri countered. “Flowers are just flowers, and there’s no one out there who’d send me one with that intent. I doubt they chose it with meaning beyond the fact that it’s blue, if that.”

Sylvain sighed with a shake of his head. “Still as cynical as ever. You just don’t get this kind of thing, huh? You ever consider that it was brought by-”

“Why are you here?” Dimitri interrupted. He wouldn’t let Sylvain finish that sentence. The idea had crossed his mind that Katrina was the one who brought it, but he couldn’t bring himself to believe that could be the case.

Sylvain’s eyes widened at the sudden question, he must have picked up on what Dimitri didn’t want to consider. “Ouch, can’t a guy just visit his friend? I mean, it’s been forever since I last saw you.”

“In case you’ve forgotten, I was framed for a murder I did not commit. And there’s a war taking place. I couldn’t just stop by and say hello!” Dimitri’s voice kept rising to higher volumes as he kept talking. He was quickly getting annoyed with Sylvain’s attempts at conversation.

“Woah, take it easy! I know all that. Can’t I be happy to see you again?” He quickly tried to defuse the situation.

Dimitri looked away. He couldn’t bring himself to answer that question. The idea that anyone would be happy to see him again felt strange. Sylvain seemed to pick up on the awkwardness of the situation and moved on.

“Well, I suppose there’s someone else here who’s happier than me. But you probably know that already, no doubt she’s already come to visit you!”

Dimitri sighed. Perhaps he hadn’t picked up on things as much as he’d thought. “Why must everyone bring her up?”

Sylvain crossed his arms. “Because you two were close. I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen you so happy.”

“There’s a reason for that.”

“I’m aware. But she made you truly happy once. It’s not that big of a stretch to think she could do it again.”

Dimitri glared at him. “Whatever you thought you saw, you were mistaken. I let her indulge in her fantasies, nothing more. True happiness is something I haven’t felt in a long time.” Even he knew that was a lie, but he refused to be honest with himself. He didn’t deserve to look back on such memories fondly, they could only serve as reminders of how he was a monster.

“That’s not what it looked like to me. The smile you had on your face wasn’t something easily faked,” Sylvain said. “Even if you were just indulging her like you say, I still think her presence was doing some good for you.”

“Even if that is the case, she’s better off staying away from me,” His eyes narrowed as he clenched the sheets in his fist.

“Well, you can’t exactly stop her if she tries to help you, you and I both know that,” Sylvain said as he frowned. “Besides, she was crying tears of joy when we brought you back and Manuela said you would make a recovery.”

She cried...tears of joy? But why? Nothing she did made any sense to him. By all accounts she should hate him, be afraid of him even. “She shouldn’t waste such tears on me.” he mumbled as he looked down at the bed, unable to stop the words before they came out of his mouth.

Sylvain shrugged his shoulders. “Well, she already did. Can’t exactly stop that from happening. A woman’s heart is a hard thing to figure out, Dimitri. The only way you can is by talking to her.” He winked and grinned as he spoke the last sentence.

Dimitri had nothing to say to that, the image of Katrina crying in happiness filling his thoughts. Sylvain got up and left the room, figuring out that the conversation wouldn’t go anywhere else after that revelation. After sitting there in silence for a long time, Dimitri looked back at the morning glory sitting on the table. For reasons he couldn’t explain, it was helping him feel...calmer? The voices didn’t seem as loud as usual when he looked at it. Perhaps it was the color standing out in the room, or maybe he was indulging in the idea that someone actually left it there for the reasons Sylvain had brought up. He didn’t know, but for just a moment he hoped he’d see more flowers by his bedside.

\------------------------------------------

_Dimitri didn’t think anyone else had been in the training hall, the thought hadn’t crossed his mind to be honest. His thoughts had been drawn towards the new professor, Byleth, and how she’d saved his life along with the other house leaders. They’d been truly lucky to stumble across her and Captain Jeralt that night. But with his thoughts caught up in the prior events, he was surprised when he opened the doors and walked in to the sounds of somebody else training._

_A practice sword in hand, slashing at the air in front of her, was the girl he’d met that very first day. Katrina von Richter of the Leicester Alliance. She hadn’t noticed anyone else entering, and continued to fight with the air. He found himself mesmerized with the way she moved. The way she gripped the weapon, the way she stabbed and slashed, the movements she made as she dodged an imaginary attack, it was very clear that she was practiced in the art of swordplay. It almost looked like an intricate dance, one she’d practiced many times before. It felt so different from the way he’d seen Felix fight in the past. He began to wonder what would happen if the two of them were to spar with each other._

_She stopped moving, a held breath escaping her as she wiped her forehead. As she turned to put the weapon away, she finally noticed his presence and nearly jumped back at the sight of him. “Dimitri! How long have you been there?!” she yelped, trying to keep herself from falling._

_“F-Forgive my intrusion, I’ve only been here for a few minutes!” he stammered. “I didn’t realize there was anyone else in here, I was coming to train myself when I saw you. I apologize for startling you like that, do forgive me.”_

_“No, no, it’s fine. Really,” Katrina insisted. “I didn’t hear you come in, and I’m not used to having people watch me as I practice,” She laughed nervously, sweat trickling down her face. “I was actually just going to take a break, so you’re free to train if you want. But I’m sticking around and watching you, it’s only fair seeing as you were watching me.”_

_Dimitri couldn’t help but chuckle. She’d regained her composure quickly. “I suppose that’s fair enough. Though I doubt I’ll be as interesting to watch.”_

_“Oh come on, you’re the prince of Faerghus! I’m sure you’ll be a lot better than me.” she said, returning the practice sword to where the other training weapons rested._

_“I’m not so sure about that, you were quite skilled with that sword,” He walked over and grabbed a practice lance, trying his best to be careful and not break it with the power of his crest. He wasn’t sure if they were just flimsy, or if his strength was too much for it. “The way you moved was a sight to behold.”_

_“Oh no, no, I’m not that good with it, you don’t need to flatter me like that.” she nervously laughed. Dimitri was confused, he was genuinely complimenting her skill. Perhaps he was reading it wrong, but this didn’t seem like she was merely being humble. Did she not realize how good she was?_

_“That wasn’t flattery, I meant every word,” he clarified. “You truly have a way with the sword. I can tell you’ve spent a lot of time practicing. You should have more faith in your abilities.”_

_She didn’t respond, opting to stare down at the ground instead. He could hear her muttering something to herself, but he couldn’t tell what she was saying. He began to worry. “I’m sorry, did I say something wrong?”_

_“Huh?” Katrina looked back up at him. “No, you didn’t say anything wrong! I’m just not used to being complimented on my sword skills, it caught me off guard is all,” As she explained, Dimitri just felt more confused than before. How could she not be used to that? Before he could ask her further though, she changed the subject. “I’ll just be watching over there! Don’t mind me, pretend I’m not even here!” And with that, she sat down at the edge of the training space and waited for him to begin. Perhaps he could ask her some other time then._

_He began to practice his thrusts on the nearby training dummies, once again taking care not to break anything. Normally the silence would be welcoming, but having Katrina watching without saying anything made him feel antsy. He did say he wanted to know her better, perhaps now would be a good time to learn. “I’ll admit, I didn’t expect you to be trained in swordplay.” he said, still focusing his attention on his blows._

_From the corner of his eye, he saw her raise an eyebrow. “What, you thought I was too delicate for a blade or something?” she asked with a smirk. Her tone didn’t seem to imply she was offended though._

_“Not at all, I’m not someone who makes such assumptions,” he explained. “I know not to judge a book by its cover. I didn’t really know what to expect if I’m being honest.”_

_“Okay then,” she laughed. “I’ve been studying fencing since I was old enough to hold a sword. My parents didn’t approve, something about how it ‘wasn’t fitting for a young lady of my status’ or whatever. But I was determined to learn how to do it, the rest of my education was pretty much decided for me and I wanted something I chose myself. I picked up a sword one day and started practicing, and no one’s been able to stop me since.” Her voice faltered slightly as she spoke, but she quickly picked up her peppy tone._

_Her earlier comments made more sense now. If her parents never wanted her to learn swordplay, it made sense that she was never praised for her abilities. They likely never cared if she was good or not. Unfortunately that seemed to be the case with noble families, they had certain expectations for their children and weren’t fond of deviation. He’d seen it many times before with his own friends. It seemed that wasn’t different in the Alliance. But he wouldn’t bring this up. His thoughts could be kept to himself._

_“I see. That explains the way you held yourself while practicing,” he said, choosing not to share his deeper thoughts on the matter. “It’s very different from how Felix moves when he practices.”_

_“Felix? Oh, wait, he’s the guy who looks like a grumpy, tired cat no matter what, right?” Dimitri stumbled a bit at her...unique description of Felix. He grazed the side of the dummy as he tried to hold back his laughter. The mental image of Felix as an angry cat was admittedly funny._

_“I, erm,” he cleared his throat in an attempt to calm himself. “Yes, that would be Felix. If that’s how you see him at least.” He hoped Felix would never hear such a description though._

_“Well he does! He looks pissed off all the time and he looks like he needs sleep. But he knows swordplay, huh? Wonder if he could teach me anything.”_

_Dimitri steadied himself once again, returning to hitting the dummy with the training lance. He wasn’t sure if Katrina and Felix would mesh well, perhaps it’d be best to steer her away from that idea. “I’m not sure he’d have anything to teach you,” he said. “Not to say that he isn’t good, but you seem to have a good grasp on things already. Is that why you came to the Officer’s Academy? To learn more about swordplay?”_

_Katrina’s smile quickly faded. “Well, not exactly…” Oh, that was not the right question to ask. He had to recover the conversation._

_“In any case, why not ask the Professor about swordplay skills? She is running the Golden Deer class, and she knows her way around a sword. I’ve seen her skills in person, so I can attest to her prowess.”_

_Talking about Byleth seemed to do the trick, as Katrina perked up again. “Oh yeah, that’s right, she saved you and Claude and Edelgard!” She rested her head in her hand as she thought. “I could ask her, but I don’t know what’s going on with her. She’s a great professor so far, but she seems kinda...distant? It’s almost like she’s not completely there.”_

_“Well, if she can lead your class to victory like she did in the mock battle a few weeks ago, I’m sure she can’t be too distant.” That still managed to surprise him. He’d already known Byleth’s own fighting skills, but the fact that she easily led the house she decided to teach to victory with only a small handful of students was a feat in itself._

_“I suppose so,” She began playing with her braid, twirling it around her finger. “And Claude seems to like her, so that has to mean something.”_

_“That’s enough to convince you, then?” He glanced over at her._

_“Yep. I trust Claude with that sort of thing,” She put that much faith in her house leader already? He hadn’t had much of a chance to speak with Claude, but he certainly appeared to be charismatic. He must have a way with words then. “You know, you’re pretty good with that lance yourself. Maybe if I ever decide to change weapons, I know who to ask for advice.”_

_Dimitri made his final strike, turning over to look at Katrina. The conversation had become more interesting than his training. “Maybe you should think about asking someone from your own house before deciding on me,” he stated. “Not that I have any doubt in my skills, but certainly there must be other lance users in your class you could go to.” He also worried about his own strength, his crest gave him an advantage others didn’t have and he’d never tried to teach anyone before._

_She let out a loud sigh. “Well yeah, there are. But Lorenz is annoying to deal with and Leonie’s alright but she talks about Jeralt too much sometimes,” He hadn’t met either of them personally, but he knew who she was referring to. Lorenz was someone who had a presence that was hard to ignore, and he was rather stuck-up. As for Leonie, the only thing he knew about her was that she boasted that she trained under Jeralt. He could understand her reluctance to ask Lorenz, but not Leonie. “Oh well, it’s all hypothetical anyway. Oh, are you done already?”_

_“Ah, no, I just wanted to keep talking. I can only multi-task for so long, and I didn’t want to be rude. You’re an interesting person to talk to.”_

_Katrina smiled. “Wow, that’s a feat I didn’t expect to manage! Being called interesting by the prince himself! Lucky me, I guess!” She stood up from her spot, dusting her uniform skirt off. “Well, as fun as it is to watch you and talk about stuff, I don’t want to be a distraction. I think I’m gonna head out for now.”_

_“You don’t have to leave!” Dimitri insisted, causing her to pause in her tracks. That came out more forceful than he intended. “I mean, it’s no trouble at all. I’m simply not used to having someone else around. You can stay if you want.”_

_“No, I should be going anyway, I kinda promised Claude I’d meet up with him when I was done here anyway so I shouldn’t keep him waiting,” she explained._

_“You and Claude are rather close it seems.” he said._

_He thought he was seeing things, but it looked like her cheeks turned a slight shade of pink as she nervously laughed. “You, um, you could say that. It was nice talking to you though, perhaps next time I can learn about you?”_

_No, she shouldn’t learn more about him. All that would do is scare her away. “That’d be nice. We did end up focusing more on you. Oh, and good luck on your class’s mission this month!”_

_“Oh yeah, that,” She didn’t look all too happy about it. But her expression once again snapped back to a happy one. “Same to you! I’ll talk to you later then! Bye, Dimitri!” She waved as she headed for the door._

_“Farewell, Katrina.” he called back. She looked back at him and smiled before she left the training hall._

_So Dimitri was left alone, striking the dummy with nothing but his own thoughts to accompany him. He found himself excited though to speak with Katrina again. Even though he didn’t know when they’d cross paths again, the thought put a smile on his face. He hoped their next meeting would be sooner rather than later._

\---------------------------------------------------

Katrina’s eyes slowly opened, the sun shining in her face now impossible to ignore. She got out of bed, stretching her arms and yawning. She was surprised no one had come to wake her up, but that was a blessing in disguise, she figured. She found herself unable to sleep well last night, her thoughts and worries returning to Dimitri whenever she tried. Even after she walked around the monastery grounds for some fresh air, sleep wouldn’t come to her until nearly dawn.

She couldn’t help it though, not with Dimitri awake and alive. It was strange, for five years she’d hoped and prayed that the news of his death had been a lie, and now here he was. But at the same time, it wasn’t him. The boy she knew had changed, she’d seen it herself in those final school days. There was a darkness surrounding him that she wanted to push away somehow. Perhaps she was naïve for thinking so, but she felt like he wasn’t gone forever.

She’d seen it yesterday. Dimitri was still clearly angry and hellbent on getting rid of Edelgard, but he wasn’t like he was back on Gronder Field. He seemed to have some clarity, even if it were only a small amount. But even though she felt like she could get Dimitri back, a part of her felt like it was a near impossible task. Just because she hoped it could happen didn’t mean it would. Reality was much harsher than that.

She realized she was standing there spacing out, a small meow alerting her. She looked down to see a Riegan Tabby looking up at her expectantly as he circled her leg. She giggled as she picked up the cat. “Sorry Ranulf, but you’re gonna have to wait. We don’t have enough food for you to eat twice a day, you know that.”

The cat had become a part of her life five years ago, following her back to her dorm after classes one day and just staying there. She hadn’t been able to take him back after Edelgard attacked the school, but he’d been waiting for her all this time. She’d been grateful for his presence, he helped her get through things easier.

“I promise, I’ll make sure you get something to eat tonight,” she said, placing Ranulf down and petting his head. “But right now, I’ve got business to handle and a recovering prince to visit. I’ve slept in long enough as is.”

Ranulf just meowed back at her before jumping up on her bed, settling down there and soaking in the sun’s rays. What a strange cat he was. With that taken care of, Katrina went about making herself look presentable so she could go get something to eat. Thankfully she didn’t have to worry about being late to a meeting, since this was their day off, but she needed something to help her wake up before she could even think about anything else.

As she left her room and headed towards the dining hall, her thoughts went back to Dimitri. Even after everything that happened five years ago, and after what happened yesterday, she still wanted to be near him. It was obvious he was trying to push her away, but she didn’t want to let that happen again. Not when she could help him. Or at least she thought she could.

“Katrina. I know what you’re thinking and you’re better off leaving him be.”

Any good mood she was in was gone the moment she heard that voice. She turned to the source of it, finding Felix leaning against the door of the dining hall. “What do you want?” she asked, crossing her arms. “I don’t have time to deal with you, Fraldarius.” She learned very quickly that the two of them were not the type to get along with each other. Not from a lack of trying though, she’d attempted to make friends with him but that just resulted in them getting angry at each other. And it seemed to get worse when she became closer to Dimitri. It seemed like every time they spoke, no matter how well meaning things were, they ended up arguing about something. Though she had a pretty good feeling that whatever this was about, it had to do with Dimitri.

“Look, we don’t like each other, and that's not going to change. Whatever. But I’m telling you this for your own good. Stay away from the Boar,” His eyes narrowed as he spoke. “I don’t care about whatever you thought you two were doing five years ago, but now he’s showed his true colors. And if you think what you had will keep you safe, it won’t. If you get involved with him again, you’re going to get hurt.”

So it was this conversation again. She’d heard it before, and she expected it to happen at some point after she’d saved Dimitri. But she wasn’t in the mood to deal with it right now. “You can tell me that as many times as you want, but it’s not going to stop me,” she insisted. “I don’t care anymore about your grudge towards him or whatever it is, but I’m not just going to stay away from him, especially after I saved his life. He needs help, and I’m gonna try to be that help.”

“That’s exactly what I’m worried about,” Felix said, walking closer to her and closing the distance. “Whatever idea you have of the Boar in your head isn’t the real him. If you think you can heal him with your love, you’re mistaken. What you see right now? That’s how he really is, and you can’t just magically fix him.”

“I’m well aware of that! I’m not blind, you know! But if you think I should just sit around and do nothing while he gets worse, then you’re an idiot!” She could feel the anger bubbling in her chest the longer this went on. “Why do you even care? It’s not like you’re actually worried about me!”

“You’re right, I could care less about you personally. But I know what comes of associating with him. And we may not like each other, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to sit around and let him hurt you like he did last time. I warned you before, and look where it got you. It’ll happen again, I’m just trying to avoid that mess before it happens.”

Katrina glared at him. She gritted her words through her teeth. “Duly noted. But I think I can decide for myself who I associate with, thank you. Now get out of my way, I haven’t eaten yet.”

Felix sighed, removing himself from her path. “Fine. Let yourself get hurt then. Don’t come crying to me when I’m right again.”

“I won’t.” She began walking past him, pausing only when he spoke once more.

“Well if you won’t listen about the Boar, at least listen when I say that you look exhausted. I’m not about to cover for your slack on the battlefield just because you’re too tired to fight. This is war, a mistake like that will cost you your life.” With that, he walked away, leaving her to stew in her anger.

“I don’t need you telling me that, if it were so easy to fix, I would have.” she muttered, walking into the dining hall. She decided right then and there, she was going to visit Dimitri later. If for no other reason than she wanted to piss off Felix. Any doubt she had before was gone. She would help him, no matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was going to add something else onto this chapter at the end, but this chapter is long enough and I don't have the time to do that now, so the next chapter will start with a continuation of the last scene. Hopefully the next chapter won't take as long to finish, I had a bit of a struggle this past week getting it done. And I promise, there won't be many more scenes of Dimitri talking to people while lying in bed, after the next chapter things will start moving more quickly.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter should not have taken this long and I'm sorry for that. I was having struggles trying to get writing done the past week. However, this chapter is pretty long so hopefully that makes up for it? I don't know if I'll be able to get another chapter done before the end of November, but I'll try. But in case I don't, I am gonna take a break from writing for a bit after the month ends because I feel like I need it. So if this is the last chapter for a while, that's why. It won't be too long of a break from writing, maybe a week or week and a half at most, but I don't want to burn myself out. I also might start working on a one-shot fic that I've wanted to make before I work on this, I haven't started it yet because I'm already dealing with all of this. Anyway, enjoy this new chapter and I'll see you whenever I get the next chapter done!

Katrina sat down with her meal, her conversation with Felix still fresh in the back of her mind. She wished he’d stay out of things that weren’t his business, it’s not like she went around messing with his relationships. “‘For my own good’, yeah right.” she muttered to herself, sticking a bite in her mouth.

“Well good morning, Sleeping Beauty! I was wondering when you’d be up,” She looked up at the sound of the voice, seeing none other than Claude standing at the opposite end of the table with his own food in tow. “Is this seat taken by any chance?” he asked with a smirk.

Katrina just smiled back at him. “Go right ahead, it’s all yours Sunflower. And you could’ve woken me up yourself.”

“And risk dealing with the wrath of waking you up? No thanks, I like being alive,” He took the invitation, sitting across from her and very quickly giving her a concerned look once he’d set his meal down. “Wow, you did not sleep well, huh?” he asked.

“Is it that obvious?” she asked. She hadn’t had time to look at herself in a mirror before leaving her room, so she had no idea how bad she looked. She thought she’d managed to look decent enough, but perhaps that wasn’t the case. She figured Felix hadn’t been saying that just to piss her off, but she was too busy being angry at him to really care.

“Yeah, I figured as much since you slept in so late, but you’re not looking too good,” He gestured at her with his fork. “You’ve got bags under your eyes, this isn’t a one night issue I’m guessing.”

He was right. The past few nights now she’d had trouble sleeping. She’d hoped it’d sort itself out and no one would notice, but nothing got past Claude’s eyes. “Yeah, it’s been a problem the past couple days,” she admitted. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind, I guess.”

“You should ask Manuela if she has any sleep remedies. Things might be fine now, but I’m worried they might get worse,” he said, speaking in a serious tone. “And you know my door is open anytime, if that’s the cause of the problem.”

It probably was, but she worried that she’d be inconveniencing him by entering his room at night. He was the leader of an army now, he had more pressing matters than her insomnia. “You still think I look good though.” she said with a wink, hoping to direct the conversation away from this and move it in a different direction.

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t,” Claude laughed. She wasn’t sure if he picked up on her desire to talk about something else or if she’d managed to distract him, but he did move away from it. “So I noticed you were having a colorful chat with Felix outside. What was today’s argument about?”

She stared down at her food, she was hoping he hadn’t seen that debacle. Though when they got at each other’s throats it was hard not to notice them. “Dimitri. Again,” she scoffed, pushing her food along the plate. “He doesn’t think I should be around him, as usual.”

“He does seem to be pretty adamant about that, huh?” he asked. He was well aware of their fights and how much it frustrated her. There’d been many days back when they were students where she’d come into his room and start ranting about him. “Don’t let it get to you too much. We’ve got bigger fish to fry, after all.”

“Easier said than done, I’m afraid. Not when he’s so insistent about it,” Her thoughts from before came to mind, the worries returning with them. “Claude...do you think it’s possible to bring him back to his old self? Dimitri, I mean.”

Claude seemed to think over his words for a moment as he took another bite. “I think so,” he said with a smile. “If anyone can do it though, I’m sure it’d be you. Call it a hunch.”

“We both know it’s not a hunch,” Katrina smirked, raising an eyebrow. “But what makes you so sure?”

“Well, you remember how Dimitri was like at Gronder, right?” he asked. She did, even if only a little. The Dimitri she’d seen on the battlefield was attacking Empire and Alliance forces without hesitation. He’d had a cold look in his eye, and from what she managed to see she almost thought he was enjoying the bloodshed. She nodded, not wanting to voice her thoughts. “Alright, now compare it with the way he was yesterday when you saw him,” She recalled her visit. That Dimitri acted distant, cold, but it was like he was trying to do so. He was trying to push her away on purpose. Even when she listened in on Claude and Byleth’s conversation with him, she could see a difference in the way he spoke. “Alright, what’s your verdict?”

“Something was different,” she said. “Maybe I’m overthinking this, but he didn’t seem as aggressive in the infirmary. But that could be for a number of reasons.”

“Fair enough, no one really knows what’s going on in Dimitri’s head besides Dimitri,” Claude pointed out. “But I still think it’s possible something changed after that battle. The only way we’ll know for sure is if you try.”

Katrina sighed. “But what if I’m not enough?”

Claude leaned over and held her hand in his, giving her a genuine smile instead of his usual grin. “Kat, I know you’re enough. He needs you now more than ever. I believe in you.”

She smiled back at him. Even after all this time, she still wondered how he knew just what she needed to hear. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were pushing me towards Dimitri on purpose. And how would that benefit you?”

“You know me, I have my schemes and my reasons for making them.” he said with a wink. The Alliance leader was a mystery in itself at times. He kept his secrets well hidden, only playing his hand when he felt it necessary. Trying to get a reason out of him would be pointless.

She rolled her eyes at him. “Yeah, yeah, you and your schemes.” she laughed. Talking with him did her good as it always did. It felt like a weight was being lifted off her shoulders. Even if it was only by a small amount, she felt like there was hope to help Dimitri.

\------------------------------------------------------

_Dimitri walked into the library, expecting his time would be spent doing some research done for class. However, he paused when he saw Katrina sitting at one of the tables, one book in her hands and a stack of them at her side. She was intently reading, but the frown on her face gave away that she’d rather be doing anything else. Perhaps he could make it more tolerable for her._

_“Is it alright if I sit here?” he asked, having walked over to the table. Katrina looked up at him and seemed to perk up upon seeing him._

_“Oh! Dimitri! Sure, go right ahead!” she said, smiling at him._

_He sat down next to her, looking at the book she’d been reading. It appeared to be a book about swordplay throughout the ages, and was very technical. “Not a fan of reading, I take it?”_

_“Oh no, I actually love reading!” she explained. “But I prefer to read stories, not this complicated hunk of text. If only I didn’t have to read it to pass my exams, I’d just skip it entirely.” She sighed, unable to hide her displeasure._

_“Ah, more of a fiction type then?” He figured it’d be better to distract her away from the topic of studying. “What would you rather be reading then?”_

_Her eyes seemed to sparkle, turning away from the book to look at him. “Oh, something about kings or knights, or true love breaking spells, or chivalry, anything like that!” she explained. “Fantastic stories with happy endings, really. Anything like that and I’ll be set for hours!”_

_Dimitri glanced over at the stack of books, noticing some familiar titles underneath the sword and strategy textbooks she’d grabbed. “I can see that,” he joked. “I’m guessing you’ve read these books before?”_

_She laughed nervously. “Yeah, I may have read them more times than I can remember. But they’re just so good! I can’t help but read them over and over again!” There was something about her enthusiasm that he found...endearing? He wished he could have such enthusiasm, but that was something far out of his reach. “Besides, when you’re stuck at home all your life, you’ve gotta find something to keep you entertained.”_

_That last part wasn’t what he expected to hear. “Wait, what was that last part?” he asked._

_Katrina suddenly refused to make eye contact with him, now finding the book very interesting. She did that quite a bit, he noticed. Perhaps it was a nervous tic? “N-Never mind that! What about you? What kind of books do you like?” she asked, clearly trying to change the topic._

_Dimitri thought it over, he couldn’t recall the last time he’d read a book for fun. Ever since the Tragedy, he’d been focused on other things. “Oh, I tend to read history books and tactics manuals,” he said, doing his best to give her an honest answer without revealing too much. “I have much I need to prepare for after all.”_

_She looked back at him. “Oh, yeah that makes sense. But what about fiction? There has to be something you like.”_

_Might as well be honest. Or as honest as possible without revealing the whole truth. “I actually can’t remember what I like,” he said with a sad smile. “It’s been a long time since I last read a book for fun.”_

_Katrina’s expression was a strange mixture of sadness and shock. “You really don’t know?” she asked, Dimitri shaking his head in response. “Oh...well that’s gonna make it harder to give you recommendations. But I’ll figure something out! This library is full of books! There’s bound to be something in here that you’d like, I just have to find it!”_

_“Oh no, you don’t have to do that, it’s fine. I don’t want to make you go to such trouble.” he said. The last thing he wanted to do was have her waste her time trying to find something he’d read. It didn’t sit right with him, he didn’t deserve it._

_“Yeah, I don’t have to do it, but I want to. And if what I want is to find a book that you’ll like, then that’s what I’m going to do!” she declared, crossing her arms with a grin. She was clearly determined to do this, and he couldn’t stop her. Though now he regretted bringing up this topic. Perhaps he could change the subject again?_

_“The Golden Deer had their first mission recently, didn’t they?” he began. “How did it go?”_

_Her smile fell. “Oh yeah, that,” she muttered. “It went...well. We all came back safe and sound, and the bandits that attacked you and the other house leaders have been taken care of…” She trailed off, looking down at her hands._

_“Something is bothering you though,” Dimitri pointed out. Even if the mission itself went fine, that didn’t mean it couldn’t affect her. He reached out his hand, hesitating for a moment before resting it on her shoulder. “I may not be your house leader, but you can still tell me about it if it’s bothering you.”_

_She sat there in silence for a while, and for a moment he thought he’d overstepped his boundaries. He was about to tell her not to worry about it when she let out a long sigh. “It was...the first time I took a life,” she explained, her eyes beginning to tear up as she gripped her skirt. “I knew I’d have to eventually, but actually doing it for the first time felt...terrible. I mean, those bandits were terrible too, but striking them down with my sword? It didn’t feel satisfying at all. But I know I’ll have to do it again. Claude told me that I shouldn’t let it get to me, and I’ve been trying, but…” She sniffled, wiping away her tears with her arm. “I’m sorry, I know this is stupid.”_

_No, it wasn’t stupid. He felt relieved she felt that way. Taking a life wasn’t something most people should take pride in or feel elated about. He’d already killed, even taken enjoyment in doing so, and he knew that it wouldn’t be the last time it happened. In a way, he felt a bit jealous that she was still afraid of killing others. He wished he could still feel that way, but he knew such a thing was impossible. His hands were forever stained._

_“It’s not stupid. It’s natural that you would feel distraught over this,” he said. He took a handkerchief out of his pocket and gave it to her, his hand still on her shoulder. He thought his next words carefully. “The act of taking someone else’s life is one that weighs on your shoulders, but it does not make you weaker to be horrified by it. Forgive me, I didn't mean to upset you by making you remember that. Please, use this to dry your tears.”_

_Katrina took it, wiping away at her eyes. “You don’t need to apologize, you didn’t know.” she said, attempting to smile again._

_“Just because I didn’t know doesn’t mean it was right of me to do. I hadn’t thought about how you’d feel about it,” He remembered their last meeting in the training hall, and how the mention of her class’s mission had made her look downtrodden. He should’ve known that this wasn’t something he needed to ask about. “I still feel awful making you cry like that. Please, let me fix this. I’ll help you get through that book, it’ll be easier to get through this way.” He moved the open book closer to him, so it was settled in between them._

_“Dimitri, you’re not even my house leader, you don’t have to…” Katrina began to protest._

_“Please, let me help you with this. I can’t just leave you after upsetting you so. I insist that you let me help you get through this, it’s the least I can do.”_

_“Well, I suppose you’d be able to help me understand this stuff better, you do like reading more technical stuff. Alright, if you insist.”_

_Dimitri smiled, happy to make up for the mistake he made. He didn’t want to make her upset like that again. He looked down at the book before glancing back at her. “Alright, show me where you were before I came by. I’ll explain anything you need me to.”_

\---------------------------------------------

Dimitri sat up in the bed while Mercedes and Marianne used their healing spells on him. It could only do so much, but he could feel the pain getting weaker. He’d been staring at the morning glory while he waited, finding himself reminiscing about the past. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately since he was brought here. He didn’t even know why. The memories simply returned to him without warning. He wished they would stop, such memories were only troublesome to him. He didn’t need them.

He blocked out his surroundings as he thought. His presence here was only causing him trouble, he couldn’t keep people away from him like this. He had to get out of Garreg Mach as soon as possible, get out and kill Edelgard himself. Then he could vanish forever, somewhere where no one would find him. He was a monster, a beast, he didn’t deserve companionship. He’d be doing the world a favor if he isolated himself. He knew this. So why did the thought of it leave a pang in his heart?

A hand reached out to him from the edge of his vision. In his panic, he swatted the hand away, just because he was injured didn’t mean he wouldn’t protect himself. In the moment, he no longer saw the infirmary before him, instead he was back on the battlefield. Two empire soldiers stood in front of him. They thought they could sneak up on him while he was injured? How idiotic of them!

“You idiots! Did you really think I couldn’t defend myself simply because of my injuries?!” he yelled, grabbing Areadbhar and pointing it at his foes. Strange, it felt lighter in his hand than usual. “If I must fall here, then I will take you with me!”

The soldiers did not attempt to attack him though. They simply stared at him, glancing at each other briefly. They tried to say something to him, but the words were muffled. He did find it strange that the voices sounded feminine while the soldiers themselves were clearly men, but it didn’t matter. One of them turned to look the other way, talking to what seemed to be thin air. Were they trying to mock him? Well he wouldn’t stand for it!

“What’s the matter, Empire dogs? If you won’t fight me, I’ll kill you where you stand!” He swung his lance with ease, but it didn’t hit them. Why? Why wouldn’t they all just die? What was going on?

“Dimitri! Snap out of it!”

Wait, that voice… That was…

He felt someone squeeze his arm, and the battlefield before him slowly returned to the monastery infirmary. The two soldiers were Marianne and Mercedes, concerned looks on their faces. His lance was nothing more than the flower in its vase. It was all a hallucination.

He looked to the side of him, seeing Katrina there holding his arm. Yes, it was her voice he heard. What snapped him out of it. He didn’t even see her come in, had it been during his hallucination?

“What happened?” she asked, looking at the other girls.

“I’m not sure,” Mercedes answered. “We were only trying to heal his wounds some more. We told him we had to replace his bandages, and when Marianne reached out to him he started acting like that.”

“I was just trying to make sure he had heard us,” Marianne added, looking down at her hands. “He didn’t say anything. He’s been looking at the flower that was left here the whole time.”

The flower. Right, he was still holding it. Thankfully it was still in the vase, only a petal or two had fallen off and some water had spilled.

“Dimitri, it’s okay,” He looked over at Katrina, who had let go of his arm and now had her hands hovering in front of her. It looked like she wasn’t sure what to do with them. “Whatever you saw, it wasn’t real. Try to calm down.”

It was only then that he realized how heavy he’d been breathing. He returned the vase to where it was before, making sure not to break it, and tried to steady his breathing. It didn’t help though when past the girls, he spotted a figure in the corner of the room. It was himself again, looking at him like he was a naughty child. He had to ignore it, he knew it wasn’t real. He tried to look away, but the blond hair was still in the corner of his vision. He must’ve looked pathetic.

“Dimitri? We need to change your bandages,” Mercedes said, repeating what he hadn’t heard while lost in his thoughts. “Are you okay with that?”

Dimitri struggled to piece his thoughts together. He didn’t care if they had to do it, he’d rather they just get it over with. But it felt like something was caught in his throat. He couldn’t say it. “I…” was the only thing he managed to get out.

A determined look crossed Katrina’s face as she looked at the healers. “Let me do it. I might not know a lot about healing, but I can change some gauze.”

Mercedes and Marianne looked at each other wordlessly. “Are you sure you can handle it, Katrina?” Marianne asked.

“Yeah, it should be fine. I’ll yell if I need anything.”

“Very well, but don’t hesitate if anything happens. We’ll be waiting right outside,” Mercedes said, attempting to smile as if she didn’t know something else was going on. The two began making their way out. “The gauze is right there on the table. Let us know when you’re done.” The two of them left, shutting the door behind them.

Now he was alone with her. The last person he wanted to be alone with after all the reminiscing he’d been doing.

Katrina had gotten up and grabbed the roll of gauze, setting it down next to the flower. “Alright, let’s get these off.” As she began to remove the bandages slowly, he noticed something about her appearance. Dark circles were underneath her eyes, her hair looked frizzy in places, and her clothes were a bit disheveled. Clearly she’d been in a rush and hadn’t gotten enough sleep. And from the look of it, she hadn’t slept well for a few days.

“You look exhausted.” he said, finally managing to speak again.

She looked up from her task, letting out a sigh. “If even you’re saying that, then I must really look bad, huh?”

He didn’t answer. Clearly she’d gotten that comment from a few people already. And he knew if he responded, he’d get caught up in the conversation.

Even still, she continued. “I haven’t slept well the past few days. It’ll pass, it always does. I’m not about to let it stop me from fighting.”

The conversation they had in the library so long ago returned to his mind. Before he knew it, the words slipped out. “How do you feel about taking a life?”

She froze, clearly not expecting the question. “What? Taking a life?”

“You once told me that the thought of taking a life unsettled you,” he explained. “That you took no pleasure from doing so. Now that we’re at war, does that still hold true? Does the thought of taking someone’s life still weigh on your shoulders? Do you still feel the same way you did back then? Tell me.”

She didn’t say anything for a while, she simply returned to removing the bandages. She seemed to be thinking it over, so he let her do so. He wasn’t sure what he expected her to say, but he had some ideas. One part of him thought she’d start shaking again like she did so long ago, talking about how killing still made her feel distraught. Another part of him expected her to say that she was desensitized to it all, that she felt nothing or even pleasure striking down enemies. But her real answer managed to surprise him.

“It doesn’t matter how I feel about it, not now,” She simply stared at the bandages she was removing, not looking him in the eye as she spoke. It was hard to tell, but he thought he saw a slight darkness in her eyes. “War doesn’t care about how you feel, so it’s irrelevant. It’s not like the Empire would take pity on me if I said I don’t want to kill them, they’d just kill me instead. So whether I like it or not, I have to take lives. What I want doesn’t matter.”

The way she spoke was so...blunt. Her voice sounded dull, as if she were reciting some memorized speech she didn’t care about. And something about how she stated that last sentence felt wrong. Even in the state he was in, he knew that wasn’t something she would say. What had happened to make her say such a thing?

The old bandages were finally removed, and Katrina gazed at his chest for a moment. The light seemed to return to her eyes, even though she was frowning. “So many scars…” she sighed. She reached out her hand, but pulled it back. It was obvious what she was trying to do.

“If you must touch them, then do it. Better then just gawking at them like that.” he said.

She nodded her head, slowly placing her hand on one of the many scars that now littered his chest. The feeling of her hand pressed against his skin felt familiar but forgein at the same time. It made him realize how long it’d been since he’d been touched by someone else without the intention to kill. Not even Dedue had done so in the five years they’d been running. Were he a weaker man, Dimitri would’ve begun to cry from the sensation or lean into her touch. But this wouldn’t happen again, he didn’t deserve it after all.

“Well, at least we can prevent any new ones from forming.” Katrina said, removing her hand and reaching for the gauze. For a moment, Dimitri had considered asking her to leave it there, but he knew how selfish it was to ask that and held it back. But he did want to feel her hand there. The place she had touched now felt cold without her hand there. Had she realized she’d laid her hand over his heart, he wondered?

“Am I to assume that you coming back means your visits will keep happening?” he managed to ask.

Katrina looked back up at his face. “I told you yesterday I’d help you if you needed it,” she explained. “I’m not giving up on you just because you try to push me away.” So she’d noticed that. Of course she would, it wasn’t like she was stupid.

“You’d be better off giving up on me.”

“Maybe you’re right, but I’m not going to,” she said. “For five years I’ve thought you were dead, and you really think I’m going to give up on you after saving your life? After mourning you for all this time?”

No, of course she wouldn’t. If it were that easy he would have scared her away a long time ago. She was too kind, and rather stubborn. Those two traits put together were at times a blessing, but at this point they were a hindrance. He wished she didn’t care so much, he wasn’t deserving of her kindness.

“My life isn’t worth saving. A monster like me doesn’t deserve your pity.”

Katrina sighed, putting the last of the bandages on. “You and I both know it’s not pity,” She was right, but he wasn’t about to call it what it really was. “And I have to disagree. You may not think that, but I refuse to believe that you’re not worth saving. And I’ll prove it if I have to. I’m standing by you and you can’t change that.” There was that stubbornness.

Dimitri let out a single, dark chuckle. “I wonder what it says about you, that you’d prefer to be in the company of a _beast_ over others.” He grinned as he spoke.

She looked at him head-on, a spark of determination and even hope in her eyes. “Well, I think it says more that you haven’t tried to chase me away this entire time.” she responded, offering a smirk of her own. He didn’t know what to say in response. While he wanted her to leave, he also wanted her to stay. But what he wanted didn’t matter, he lived only for the sake of the dead who screamed in his ears. He merely scoffed in response.

Katrina looked down, her smirk quickly changing into a frown. “Dimitri...your hands…” She reached out towards them, but Dimitri pulled them away. No matter how much he desired to feel her warmth, he couldn’t let her touch his hands. He wasn’t sure what he would do if she held them. Without explanation, she seemed to understand. “Oh, I guess I went too far there, huh? Sorry.”

She stood up, making her way to the doors. “I’ll let Mercedes and Marianne back in. I’ve done all I can for now. I’ll see you later Mi-ah no-Dimitri.” He watched her place her hands on the doors.

“Katrina,” he called out, causing her to turn her head back at him. He wasn’t sure why he did that. She couldn’t stay, she shouldn’t stay, but feelings he’d buried long ago were trying to resurface. “Try to get some sleep.” He figured that would work, he had to say something after all.

She smiled at him. “I’ll try. You know it’s not that easy for me.” She walked out of the infirmary, likely to talk to the girls waiting outside.

Dimitri was alone once again, the only companion being the apparition of his past self still glaring at him from the corner. He looked back at the morning glory, finding it limp and sad looking from the thrashing earlier. He let out a sigh, placing his hand over his chest where she had placed her own. Though it was now covered by bandages, he could still feel his heartbeat. He couldn’t let this happen, he had to bury those emotions and feelings again. He’d done so once, he could do it again. But as much as he told himself that, as Mercedes and Marianne returned, he began to regret not letting Katrina hold his hand.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, can't believe I got this chapter done right before Dimitri's birthday. That's a neat coincidence.
> 
> I feel like this chapter could've been better, but I've been working on it for so long now and I wanted to get one done before the end of the month. Hopefully it's better than I think.

_Dimitri found himself running into Katrina more often. Sometimes they’d meet again in the library, Katrina either struggling to get through a book for studies or reading a story for leisure. Other times they’d meet in the training hall, watching each other spar and chat. A few times they’d met in the dining hall, sitting together and talking about what was happening around the school. And of course, they’d just bump into each other around the monastery, having a quick chat or waving hello if they were already busy. It was nice, he thought, spending time with her. He couldn’t explain why, but his heart felt lighter when they spent time together. Not enough to remove the cloud of vengeance hanging over him of course, but he enjoyed the moments of peace when they came. Perhaps it was simply the happiness he felt in making a new friend, one who didn’t care about his status and simply wished to talk about books or whatever else was on her mind._

_Unfortunately, the one downside to spending time with her was the gossip. He wasn’t the type to listen in on others conversations, but he heard the whispers. People wondering what she was doing spending time with him, people thinking one was taking advantage of the other in some way, people expressing pity for him, and similar possibilities seemed to course through their minds. He didn’t understand why though. They were just friends, there was no deception going on. Was it so wrong for the prince of Faerghus and a noble from Leicester to be friends? He didn’t understand._

_Of course, no one was willing to answer his questions. The moment he turned around to ask them anything, the people gossiping conveniently stopped talking and refused to answer him. He tried telling himself not to worry about it, that it was just gossip and nothing more. People would take anything and spread it into a rumor. Besides, he had other things to worry about._

_Such as the scene unfolding in front of him._

_Right outside of the Golden Deer classroom, Sylvain was talking to Katrina._

_Sylvain had recently transferred to the Golden Deer class, something to do with Byleth if he remembered correctly, and he’d hoped his childhood friend would behave himself while there. Clearly he severely underestimated Sylvain. He’d seen him flirt with countless women before, but something about the sight in front of him made him feel...upset. Not the usual disappointment he had when Sylvain was flirting, but something else. It was like a rock had dropped into his chest and a pit had opened up in his stomach. He wanted to stop this, he couldn’t let this go on. But just as he was making his way closer, he saw Katrina laugh at something Sylvain had said and walk away, giving Dimitri a quick wave before walking off into the classroom which he returned._

_Sylvain saw him standing there and walked over, as carefree as he could be. “Hey Your Highness, what’s up?”_

_Dimitri crossed his arms, preparing to give a scolding to the skirt-chaser. “Sylvain, when I let you go to the Golden Deer, I expected you to behave,” he said, doing his best to sound stern and not let out his inner frustration. “Yet here you are flirting with your classmate as you always do. Have you no shame?”_

_“Huh? What are you talking about?” Sylvain asked, genuinely having no idea what he was being scolded about. He glanced over into the classroom, putting the pieces together in his head. “Oh! You thought I was-! No, you got it all wrong! I wasn’t putting the moves on Katrina, we were just having a talk!”_

_The feelings in his chest and stomach seemed to go away, but he wasn’t going to believe that so easily. “Really now? And just what were you talking about?”_

_Sylvain sighed. “Our mission from last month. She’s been worried about Ashe lately after what happened.” he explained._

_Ah yes, the Golden Deer were tasked with taking out Lord Lonato, Ashe’s adoptive father, last month. It was true he’d been feeling upset lately, and he noticed Katrina talking with him at times. Of course she’d be worried. Though that didn’t alleviate Dimitri’s worries. “And you haven’t flirted with her at all then?” he asked._

_“No! I haven’t! Come on, cut me some slack here!” Sylvain shouted, raising his hands in disbelief. “Sure, she’s cute, but she was off-limits already so there was no point in bothering. Even then, we actually have a lot in common so we make good friends. I’m able to talk with her about stuff that isn’t easy to tell others. I swear on my honor, I haven’t been flirting with her.”_

_Dimitri let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. That was a relief, they were only friends. He wondered what they could be talking about, but he didn’t wish to pry in such private matters. “I see. I apologize then for jumping to conclusions. It was wrong of me to do so.”_

_“Nah, I can’t blame you. I do have that reputation,” Sylvain chuckled. “But why is that so important to you? It’s not like you scold me with most other girls I flirt with.”_

_Why did he take such an issue with that? It was true, Sylvain’s behaviors were not something he commonly brought up with him. So why was this time so different? Perhaps he was just...worried about Katrina? Of course, that must have been it. They were friends after all, he didn’t want her to deal with Sylvain’s skirt chasing. Even though his reputation as one had spread quickly, there was a chance she wasn’t aware of it. “I suppose I was just trying to look out for a friend, is all.” he explained._

_Sylvain began to smirk, clearly he had something going through his mind. But whatever it was, he dropped the subject before it was brought up. “Alright, fair enough. Just don’t get too attached to her, or you might get in trouble.” he said with a wink._

_“I beg your pardon? What do you mean by that?” he asked. The gossip from before came to mind. Perhaps Sylvain knew something he didn’t? “You mentioned her being ‘off-limits’ before. What did you mean by that exactly?”_

_Sylvain’s smirk vanished, replaced with a confused look of his own. “Wait, you mean you don’t know?” he asked._

_“Know what? Sylvain, please just give it to me straight.”_

_“Oh man, I thought everyone knew about it.”_

_“About what, Sylvain?!” He raised his voice, getting fed up with how vague he was being._

_“Katrina is engaged.”_

_The rock sunk back into his chest. “She’s...she’s engaged?” he asked._

_“Oh wow, you really didn’t know. I thought it was common knowledge considering who she’s engaged to.”_

_Dimitri cleared his throat, unsure of why this information made him feel so melancholy. “And who might that be?” he asked._

_“Claude himself. The future Duke Riegan and heir to the Alliance.”_

_Dimitri looked into the classroom, seeing Claude and Katrina sitting at the same table and talking to each other. He gave her his usual smirk, saying something that caused her to blush and lightly push him. He merely laughed in response. It didn’t take long for her smile to return though and she laughed back. They looked so...happy together._

_Now her words from earlier conversations made sense. Why she couldn’t switch classes, how she trusted Claude so much, smaller things that she never elaborated upon, it was all because she was engaged to him. It all made sense, but why did he feel such a weight in his chest?_

_“I see,” he managed to say, his voice darker than he intended. “Forgive me, I must be going now. I have other things to attend to.” He heard Sylvain try to stop him, but he quickly walked away before he could be stopped. He was being ridiculous, this was nothing he should be bothered by. He had to go clear his thoughts._

\-----------------------------------------------------

The days passed by steadily as he slowly healed. Within a week, Dimitri had essentially gotten used to his routine. Food would be brought to him twice a day, once in the morning and once in the evening. He didn’t know who was cooking them, but he noticed cheese would be included in some way every evening meal. That was appreciated, what with the lack of his sense of taste. Two healers would come in and work their magic on him in the middle of the day, relieving the pain from his wounds at Gronder. It was usually Mercedes and Marianne, but Manuela did it sometimes, and he’d seen Flayn and Linhardt once or twice. Every other day, his bandages would be changed, and now that he knew what to expect he hadn’t had an episode like he did the first time. A new flower was placed by his bedside while he slept, as the morning glory wilted by day’s end. Each one would be blue, but they weren’t always the same flowers. He never saw who was leaving the flowers, as they always seemed to enter when he was actually asleep, but he had his suspicions.

As his condition had been improving, he was allowed to do more. He was able to get up and walk, still with some pain but he’d take what he could get, and with someone supervising him during the day. At least this way his legs wouldn’t atrophy, he’d need them when he finally left after all, and Mercedes had stated the importance of him getting fresh air. He usually just walked to where he needed to go and came back straight away, either walking to the nearby library to find a book on war tactics or the baths so he could clean himself. He didn’t have time for useless pleasantries. The idea had crossed his mind to walk around at night, when everyone else would be asleep. That way he could keep himself occupied when the nightmares became too much to handle.

He still received visitors, though they’d gone down in number. Aside from Felix, predictably, all his former classmates in the Blue Lions had visited him at least once. Dedue kept coming around, and Sylvain popped up frequently as well. Other members of the army had come to see him as well, Seteth had come in once expressing his gratitude that he was alive and well, and Byleth checked in on him as well. But of course, he had a daily visitor in Katrina. She was truly determined to help him, no matter the cost. Every day, without fail, she’d come by and see how he was doing, and would ask if there was anything she could do to help. Whether there was or not, she’d stick around and talk to him. Though most of her conversations just went in one ear and out the other, leaving them fairly one-sided. He didn’t want to risk getting too close to her. If he did, he’d lose his resolve.

But he couldn’t keep his emotions completely under wraps. He’d noticed how she still wasn’t getting enough sleep. She still looked tired, she’d yawn, she’d lose her train of thought in the middle of speaking, it was enough to cause him some concern. He kept telling her to sleep, only for her to say that she’d be fine. Anyone could see that she wasn’t. Surely Claude must have known by now. Why hadn’t he done anything?

Though it wasn’t as if he could do anything, Dimitri was well aware of that. He was stuck to this bed. So he was stuck hoping that she’d get some damn sleep soon. Not that he was much better, his own sleep plagued by nightmares so frequently he couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a proper night’s sleep.

That night had been one of the worst.

Everyone had left the infirmary for the day, leaving Dimitri by himself for the night. His mind was swimming with thoughts, making it hard to fall asleep. He’d closed his eye, managing to drift off after a time. And then, he was there. Duscur. The bodies surrounded him just as they had nine years ago, Glenn lying at his feet covered in blood. His hands trembled, tears pooled from his eyes, and he screamed. He had to get revenge, he just had to!

Then the voices came.

His father, his step-mother, Glenn, the other bodies, they all called out to him. Screamed at him to do what needs to be done.

_“Kill Edelgard!”_

_“It’s that woman’s fault we’re dead!”_

_“She caused this!”_

_“The blood is on her hands!”_

_“Why did you survive instead of us?!”_

_“Kill her! Kill her! Kill her! Kill her!”_

The voices merged together and became unintelligible from each other. It was like he was surrounded. Unable to escape. He tried covering his ears, but it did nothing to block out the screams. Even if they were right, he didn’t want to hear them any longer. He was trying! There was a setback! But the voices grew louder and louder. Until one voice stood out from the rest.

“Dimitri! Wake up!”

His eye shot open, and he was back in the infirmary. His breathing was ragged, and cold sweat dripped down his skin. He knew it was a dream, it was one of the only dreams he had anymore, but it never stopped affecting him so.

Finally snapped out of his shock from waking up, he sat up, finding two people there with him. Manuela and Katrina. They both let out a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness, you’re awake now.” Manuela said.

“What...are you doing here?” Dimitri asked, his voice feeling hoarse. He knew the room was empty when he went to sleep.

“Oh, I left something behind when I had wrapped up for the day, so I came to pick it up,” she explained. “When I entered the room, you were thrashing in your sleep. I wasn’t sure what to do, but Katrina walked by and sprang into action.”

It was her voice he’d heard before waking up. Sitting next to the bed, she now held a glass of water and handed it to him. “You were screaming, I figured you’d need something for your throat,” she explained. Without saying another word, he took the glass and drank the water in one sitting. It felt so refreshing. “I’m sorry, I should’ve been here sooner. Maybe then I could’ve…” she didn’t finish the sentence, but he already knew what she meant.

Manuela picked up a bottle she’d left on the other end of the room. “I can tell I’m not needed here. I’ll be on my way now. Don’t do anything risque just because I’m leaving.” she said with a wink. She left rather quickly, jumping to conclusions about what they’d be doing without her.

The room was quiet, neither of them knowing what to say to each other. Dimitri had a multitude of things he could say, but ultimately he settled on one.

“You’re still awake. What were you doing this late?”

Katrina took a seat on the opposite bed, looking down at her lap like a child who’d been caught doing something they shouldn’t. “I was reading in the library,” she answered, trying to hide her guilt with a weak smile. “You know me, I just love my books after all.”

That was flimsy and he knew it. “Then why didn’t you take the books with you to your room? It’s not like you haven’t done so before.”

She looked away, letting out a sigh. “I...I don’t want to sleep,” she explained hesitantly. “I either can’t fall asleep because my thoughts keep running wild, or I have terrible nightmares.”

Just as he thought. He understood, he had the same problems after all, but that didn’t mean it was a good idea. “You _need_ to sleep,” he hissed, trying not to get worked up but still feeling irritated. “Why not just go visit Claude if you’re having trouble sleeping?”

“I couldn’t. He has so much work to do and I don’t want to disturb him. We’re...not students anymore, I can’t have him worrying about my stupid problems when he has a war to deal with.”

“So you’re just going to let yourself suffer from nightmares and insomnia then?” he asked, getting more and more frustrated. She knew better than this! Why wasn’t she just taking the obvious solution?

“It wouldn’t be the first time it’s happened,” she stated, practically deadpan. “It’s passed before, it’ll pass again. Besides, what else would you have me do? I’ve tried so much already.”

He almost shouted out “Spend the night with me”. But he stopped himself, he couldn’t let her get any closer. He was still desperate for her touch after she changed his bandages the one time, and he needed to suppress that urge. Besides, even if he wanted her to be close, he was still in the infirmary. This wasn’t his bed to share.

“I’d rather you do something over nothing,” he settled on saying. “It’s not going to improve if you let it continue. Go to see Claude. Tonight. I doubt he’s too busy for you, or will find this problem unworthy of his time.”

Katrina looked up at him, the sadness evident on her face. “But what about you? What if you have another-”

“I have had these nightmares for years, as I know you are aware of, they are not something that can be stopped so easily. _You_ on the other hand have someone who can help you. So you should go to him.” he cut her off. He knew that trying to chase her away was a pointless endeavor, but perhaps he could just send her off to the person she deserved to be with instead and that would solve things.

Katrina sighed, standing up from the bed. “You have the same thing, you know,” she said, more to herself than to him. She walked over to the door, looking back at him with the same desire to stay that he had. “Good night Dimitri.”

And once again, she was gone. The room had become quiet once more.

An image passed through his thoughts. Them as students, him holding her, staying with her through the night. But he chased it away, he didn’t need those memories. He lied back down in the bed, finding another memory to occupy his thoughts instead.

\-------------------------------------------------

_The sound of wood breaking echoed through the training hall, Dimitri grunted as he threw away the broken practice sword in frustration. Why were these things so easily broken?_

_He didn’t know how long he’d been practicing, but he’d gone through three lances and now a sword in his attempts to distract him. No matter how much he tried, he kept thinking about what Sylvain had told him. About Katrina and Claude being engaged. But he didn’t understand why he kept returning to it. These situations were common among the nobility, he knew that, and yet still he felt frustrated by it. Was it because she hadn’t told him about it? That had to be it. What other reason could there be?_

_“Dimitri! There you are!” A voice called out to him from the entrance, he looked up and saw Katrina standing there. She began walking over to him, concern etched on her face. “I saw you run off after your talk with Sylvain, what happ-” She paused as her foot kicked a piece of a broken weapon, looking around to see wooden shards scattered around him. “Wow, I guess you’ve been busy…” she said, picking up the handle of the broken sword he’d just discarded._

_She saw him run off? And she came to find him? The thought made his worries lift a little. Though he’d hoped she hadn’t been paying attention before. He couldn’t let her see his frustration though, he had to hide it away for her sake. “I went a bit overboard,” he said, laughing nervously. “Sometimes I forget my own strength and break weapons without trying. This was just one of those times, I suppose.”_

_Katrina looked up at him with a worried frown, his words didn’t exactly abate her concerns. “Look, are you okay? Sylvain explained to me what happened.”_

_She knew what had happened. Why did that make him feel so ashamed of himself? “I was simply caught off guard is all,” he said, trying to explain his reaction. “I wasn’t aware you were...engaged to Claude.” The last words had been caught in his throat, hopefully she hadn’t noticed._

_She looked away from him, a broken lance suddenly getting her attention. There she was, avoiding looking at him in the eye. “I thought you already knew,” she explained. “I would’ve told you by now otherwise. I’m sorry…”_

_“Please, there’s no need to apologize,” he quickly stated. He placed his hands on her shoulders, getting her to look up at him. “Do not blame yourself, it’s not like I’m upset about it. And even if I was, it would not be at you. I was simply surprised, especially learning it from Sylvain of all people.” He wasn’t being completely truthful, but he didn’t want her to believe for a second that she was the reason._

_She looked back up at him, but she continued to frown. “I suppose that would be a shock.” she responded._

_He couldn’t stand seeing her look so blue. Maybe he could take her mind off of it? Changing the subject usually worked to bring her mood back up. He leaned down and picked up the lance piece she’d been staring at. “Would you mind helping me clean these up? I fear if I do it myself I’ll miss the smaller pieces.” he said, hoping the excuse would work._

_Katrina nodded, a small smile making its way back to her face. “Sure, anything to help a friend!”_

_Friend. Yes, the two of them had become friends in the few months they’d spent at the academy. It felt nice, hearing the word slip from her lips in reference to him. He felt lucky she considered him a friend at all, though of course he knew that it would be easily shattered if she knew the truth about him. But she never needed to know, and if everything went well she never would._

_The two of them proceeded to pick up the bits and pieces left behind by his intense training, if it could really be called that. It didn’t take long for the silence to feel suffocating however. Even though Dimitri wanted to ignore the whole engagement thing, he knew he just couldn’t. Surely there was nothing wrong with asking some questions? “So, you and Claude then?” he asked. “How long have you two been engaged?”_

_She looked up from the pieces she’d been picking up, surprised at the sudden question. “Oh, um, for about a year or so,” she explained. “Once my parents heard that Duke Riegan had an heir who was around my age, they jumped at the opportunity to set up an arranged marriage between us. They didn’t care what he was like, they just figured it’d be the perfect opportunity to gain some power in the Alliance.”_

_He figured that was the case. Very rarely were arranged marriages set up for reasons other than politics. There always had to be something to gain. And what he’d gathered from their talks, her family was rather small and didn’t have much sway in the Alliance. It did make sense to set the two up. Though the way he saw them interacting with each other didn’t give off the idea that they saw it as such. Claude and Katrina definitely seemed to like each other, plus a year was plenty of time to get to know someone. “Well, the two of you seem to get along at least.”_

_Katrina returned to picking up weapon shards as she spoke. “Oh yeah, we’re pretty close actually! Though I didn’t like him at first,” she said, causing Dimitri to raise his eyebrow in questioning. “I had no say in the whole thing, so I had assumed he was going to be just like every other stuck-up noble. I wouldn’t let that idea go for a while actually. It took a while for me to warm up to him, but he became one of the first real friends I had.”_

_He hadn’t missed what she’d said there. The first real friend she had. She wasn’t that much older than him, only by a few months if he remembered correctly, so to hear she hadn’t had a friend before a year ago made his heart sink. The more Dimitri learned about her parents, the more distaste he held towards them. He didn’t want to press on that point though, not right now. It’d only make him angry and likely upset her. “It’s quite lucky you two get along so well then. Most aren’t as lucky.” An image flashed in his mind of Ingrid and Glenn, and the tragic fate that befell them, but he quickly chased it away. Now wasn’t the time for such things._

_She sighed. “I’m not sure I’d say I’m lucky. Sure, we get along and all that, but I never wanted to be stuck in a marriage I had no say in. Maybe it’s because of all the books I’ve read, but I always wanted to marry for love. I mean, it’s not like Claude is the problem, but I’d rather marry him because I want to and not because I have to, you know?” She looked over at him and he thought he felt his heart skip a beat. Perhaps he should see Professor Manuela later to find what ailed him._

_“Of course. Though it’s not a foolish thought to want something like that,” he agreed. “So I take it you don’t want to marry Claude?” The question slipped out before he could stop it. He didn’t even want to ask it, so why did it slip out like that? It got worse when she didn’t respond to him. “Katrina?”_

_“Oh! Sorry, guess I spaced out there and got lost in my thoughts!” she nervously laughed. “That’s the thing. I’m not sure if I don’t,” She refused to look at him once again. “I mean, there’s worse options out there, and if I’m forced to marry someone than at least I’m getting with someone I get along with. But I don’t dislike the idea of marrying him, just the idea of doing it by force.”_

_He held back the question that came to mind first, instead choosing a safer option. “Is there something else causing your uncertainty then?”_

_She picked up the last piece near her. “I’m not sure. Aside from my hatred of being stuck in this forced marriage, I feel like there’s something else but I can’t figure it out. But there’s not much I can do anyway. It’s not like my parents would listen to me and call off a marriage with the next head of the Alliance. I don’t have a choice in the matter.”_

_Dimitri didn’t know how to respond. It’s true that such an arrangement could not easily be broken, but he didn’t want to see her trapped in that which she had no say in. He felt her choice mattered. And if she did have feelings for Claude, she should be allowed to marry him out of her own free will. Not that he would ask if she did, the answer wasn’t something he needed to know. But he had to say something._

_“Well, I believe what you want matters,” he said. “Even if they don’t believe it does, you should still stick to your beliefs. Besides, perhaps you can change it someday.” He smiled, hoping his words helped her. But she just seemed to give him a bewildered look. Maybe he should’ve stayed silent. He cleared his throat before speaking again. “My apologies, I’m not the best at saying the right things in moments like this.”_

_“No, no, it was fine,” Katrina insisted. “I guess I just didn’t expect you to say that,” She smiled back at him. “Thank you Dimitri. That means a lot, what you said. More than I think you realize. I’m not sure I can ever change this, but it’s nice to know that I have people like you and Claude to tell me stuff like that.” So Claude felt the same. Granted, what little he knew of the Golden Deer’s leader gave him the impression that he didn’t care much for the expectations of the nobility, but it was nice to know he wasn’t pressuring her into anything._

_“Still, I feel like I didn’t say the right words. But if they help you, I suppose that’s enough.”_

_The two of them disposed of the broken weapons, finally collecting every piece. Dimitri was about to leave and bid Katrina farewell until she grabbed his shoulder. “Hey, I noticed you were working with a sword there. Think you could teach me some pointers?”_

_“I fear that I won’t have much to teach you with the level you’re already at. But I can certainly try.”_

_Katrina grabbed a practice sword and stood in front of a training dummy, giving him a nod that she was ready as she held out her sword. He walked over to her, assessing her stance. “For what I plan to teach you, it’d be best to hold your sword like this.” He instructed, his hands gliding to hers as he directed her. He ignored the stray thought of touching her hands without the armor, but he didn’t ignore the light sensation in his chest. He wasn’t sure why he felt it, but he hoped he could feel it more._


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, this chapter kinda got out of control as I wrote it. I didn't intend for it to be so long, but it just sorta happened as it ended up going in directions I didn't expect it to. I'd hoped to have this done last month, but other factors got in the way and delayed it. But it's finally done, after taking many more days than I wanted to. I didn't have a good place to cut things, so take an extra long chapter to make up for the wait. The next chapter shouldn't take as long to write hopefully. Anyway, I actually have a spicy fic in the works for Dimitri and Katrina! It's one of the things that delayed this chapter, oops. I have to do some editing first, but look out for that coming soon! Maybe I'll even wait for Valentine's Day to post it, if the stars align? We'll see. Either way, enjoy this chapter!

Katrina lied in bed, wide awake just like the nights before and staring at the wall. Even though she listened to Dimitri and went to Claude, she still couldn’t fall asleep. She’d already expected that outcome, though a part of her had hoped he’d be right. He had been right about Claude not shrugging her off though, he’d let her in and told her to climb into the bed, saying he’d join her after making some last minute calculations for his next strategy. And while this sort of situation had worked before, it hadn’t now.

She heard the sounds of supplies being put away, the light of the candle behind her being blown out as she felt the covers lift. Claude took his place next to her, holding her close and letting out a sigh. “Still can’t sleep, huh?” he asked. Of course she couldn’t hide it from him.

“No,” she said, not turning to look at him as she sat up. She hated this, she suffered from spells of insomnia before, but never anything like this. What normally lasted for a night or two had turned into nearly a week and a half of unpleasant sleep. She couldn’t go on like this, it was affecting her performance not just as a fighter but in her day-to-day tasks. “I just don’t get it, nothing works. I’ve tried everything I can think of, but I still can’t get to sleep. What good am I to this army if I can’t even sleep properly?” She could feel tears welling up in the back of her eyes, but she held them in. If she cried, any small possibility of her sleeping would be nonexistent for sure.

Claude sat up and turned her around to face him, a concerned frown lining his features. None of his usual cool and collected nature was to be seen. “I don’t think this is something you can fix through usual methods.” he said, his concern evident in the way he spoke.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that things like chamomile tea or a night with me won’t solve the underlying issue here,” He stroked her shoulders lightly. “You’ve got so much on your mind lately, and you can’t solve those problems with a snap of your fingers. All the stress is piling up on you Kat, surely you can see that.”

She looked down at her hands, not wanting to look at Claude’s sad expression any longer. It didn’t feel right, seeing the confident man before her look so vulnerable and worried. He was usually so good at keeping those emotions hidden. “Of course I do,” she answered. “The war, what’s happening in House Richter, Dimitri, with all that going on how could I not be stressed? But it’s like you said, I can’t solve these problems with a snap of my fingers. The war won’t just end right this minute, the problems back home can’t be fixed without drastic measures being taken, and Dimitri…”

Dimitri was still trying to keep his distance from her. He didn’t want her to stay around him, and it seemed like he was merely tolerating her presence at best. She’d expected this, but knowing it didn’t make it easier. She missed the moments they once shared, longed for his hands to touch her, wanted to hear his voice tell her things would be okay. But that was gone. He didn’t want those moments, he kept his hands away from her, and his voice was harsh and did not give her words of comfort. She wouldn’t give up on him, not ever, but even her heart could only take so much. She didn’t know if it was her lack of sleep or not, but her frustrations were growing. The feelings she’d tried so hard to hide away were building up, and she didn’t know how much longer she had until something broke. And it would break, she just knew it.

“Dimitri just won’t budge,” she finally muttered, hiding her face in Claude’s chest. She knew she still had him, she’d always have him by her side, but it just wasn’t enough. For a brief moment, she began to think that maybe she was better off thinking Dimitri was dead, then she wouldn’t be feeling so much pain and could be happy with him. But with the prince alive and so close… “He’s not letting me get any closer to him, even though I feel like he wants to. He looks at me with scorn, but sometimes I see what I think is longing. His voice is harsh, sometimes downright angry, but now and then a softness will slip through. He needs help, and I want to give it to him. But my efforts feel wasted.

“He might not be the way he was at Grondr Field, but he’s still built up a wall and not even I can get in,” Her hands shook as she tried to keep her composure. She couldn’t cry, not now. Claude didn’t say anything, so she kept going. “I’m starting to think I should give up on him. What’s the point if he won’t open up? I’ve already come to terms with the fact that I can’t return him to his old self, but I thought I could at least get part of him back, that maybe we could have something again. But I was wrong. Dimitri’s lost to me forever, and I should’ve realized that a long time ago. All I’m doing is lying to myself and letting myself get hurt like an idiot.”

“Is that really what you want?” Claude asked, causing her to look up at his face. “You saved him and now you’re just gonna give up on him? That’s not the Kat I know.”

“But what else can I do? It’s not like the stories where I can fix him with love, life never works like that. And if he doesn’t want me around, it’d be best if I just left him alone. Felix was right, I shouldn’t have gotten myself involved with-”

“ _Sheereen-am_ ,” The utterance of that nickname made her stop. Claude had a few pet names for her that he’d thought of over the years, but that was one he only used when they were alone. Which made sense, it was an Almyran term of endearment, using it around others would give away the secret he’d worked so hard to keep from the world. But even in private, it was a name he rarely used, which meant he had good reason to do so. He grabbed her shaking hands in his own.

“Dimitri isn’t lost to you. He wouldn’t have sent you here if he didn’t care. But if there’s one thing I know about him, it’s that he’s stubborn. Dedue told me that he got like this when they were on the run, he didn’t want to accept help from others. If you ask me, he still has those feelings for you. He’s just hoping you’ll choose me over him. Now doesn’t that sound more rational than what you were just going on about?”

She thought it over, realizing he was right. But she knew that the rational thoughts couldn’t chase away the thoughts her anxiety pushed onto her. But dwelling on those thoughts would only make it worse. She took a deep breath, the tears that had built up finally escaping. “That’s not a choice he can make for me,” she said. “And he knows it’s not one I want to make so easily.”

“Well he needs to know that. And the only way to do that is to show him.”

“But I don’t know what to do anymore,” she said. Her sleep-deprived mind was so focused on trying to fix her insomnia that it hadn’t had room to think of anything else. “Besides, he can’t expect me to make a choice when I don’t want to pick between you two. I love you both, I always have.”

Claude held her close again. “I know,” he said. “It’s an admirable thing about you. Your heart has enough love for us both, but that can also be a double edged sword,” He pulled her back, keeping himself from wiping away the tears that now spilled down her cheeks. “You know that I’ll always support you, no matter what you decide. All I want is for you to be happy and free. But right now, you can’t decide when he’s closing himself off like this.”

“Claude, what do I do?” she asked.

“For now, I think you should take a day to yourself. I know you want to help him, but you need to help yourself first,” Claude answered. “I’ll try talking to him. Maybe I can knock some sense into him for you,” He tried to smirk again, hoping it’d help with her mood. “Try to focus on yourself for now, okay?”

Katrina tried to smile, but it was sad and forced. “Alright. Maybe you’re right, I have been neglecting myself lately.”

“I know I’m right, Kat. I usually am,” he joked with a wink. “In all seriousness, you need to worry about yourself as well. I mean, clearly Dimitri’s worried about you if he had you come here tonight. He might be pushing you away, but he’s still as concerned about you as ever. Just try to sleep, okay?”

He was right. She could tell Dimitri had been more concerned about her than his nightmares, there was clearly a part of him that wanted to let her in. But she didn’t know how to get to it. “Alright, I’ll try. Can’t make any promises though.”

Claude kissed her forehead, lying back down beside her. “That’s all I can ask for then. Good night, shooting star.” Wrapping his arms around her once again, he could only worry as he drifted off to sleep. He knew her better than most people, and he could tell her dam would burst eventually. He could only hope that Dimitri would listen to him, then all three of them would be better off.

Beside him, Katrina closed her eyes, having yet another sleepless night as anxieties overcame her.

\------------------------------------

_Dimitri entered the library to find Katrina running from bookshelf to bookshelf, looking for books and setting them down on a table before going to find more. The table itself looked cluttered, there were far too many books for one person to read, even with her love of reading. Walking over to the table just raised more questions, as the books were not her typical faire. Many of them were technical books about things such as Crests and Heroes Relics, though a few were focused on legends and tales about those things. It was rather strange seeing such a collection of books, what could she be needing them for?_ _  
_

_“Katrina, what is with all these books?” he asked, watching as the Golden Deer student continued to dart around the library. “I do not recall Crests and the Heroes Relics being an area of interest of yours.”_

Katrina turned to face him as she tried reaching for a book on a higher shelf, flashing him a smile. “Oh, hi Dimitri!” she called out, jumping as she tried to grab what had to be another book about Crests or Heroes Relics. She muttered something he couldn’t hear, though he assumed it was out of irritation at not grabbing the book she wanted. “These aren’t for me, Claude asked me to grab them.”

_Dimitri raised his eyebrow, looking back at the large stack of books. “He asked for all of these?” It did make more sense that Claude would want them, what with Byleth now wielding the Sword of the Creator and having the Crest of Flames. He must have been curious what was going on with their professor and wanted more information. Though he couldn’t have needed all of these books, right?_

_“Well, no, not all of them,” she clarified, looking back at the bookshelf as she spoke. “He just wanted me to find a few books, but there’s a lot on these subjects that I figured I could skim through them to see if they have the information he wants!”_

_“I don’t believe you can possibly read through them all though. You already have so many that it’ll take quite a while just attempting to skim through them. Perhaps you should take what you have and go from there?”_

_Katrina sighed. “Just let me get this last book and I’ll stop!”_

_Dimitri couldn’t help but chuckle. “Do you need help? I can grab it for you, it’s no trouble.”_

_“Thanks, but I can get it!” She ran over to her table, grabbing a chair and bringing it over to the shelf. She stood on top of it, taking hold of the book and trying to pull it out. Whoever had arranged the books had packed them in tight. “Just need...to put a little...effort into it...and…”_

_As she pulled the book free, her leg slipped off and caused her to fall to the floor, the book leaving her grasp and falling on her foot. A surge of panic swept through Dimitri as he rushed over to her side. “Katrina! Are you alright?” He removed the book off of her foot and quickly helped her back up._

_“Yeah, I’m fine, I just slipped.” she said, quick to reassure him._

_“What about your foot? Is it injured?”_

_“No, no, it’s fine. Hurts a little bit, but I can manage,” She picked the book up, looking at it with a scowl. “Stupid book, being so high up and stuck in the shelf.”_

_“I don’t believe the book itself is to bla-” Dimitri began with a laugh, stopping upon seeing a faint glow. Katrina had punched the book, likely as a joke, and doing so caused a small symbol to appear beside her. It wasn’t one he recognized, but he knew what it was. Her Crest had activated._

_She hadn’t missed what happened, as she stood there frozen in shock. Before Dimitri could ask her anything, the book was suddenly shoved into his hands. “You know what, you’re right, there’s no way he needs all these books! Maybe we should just put them away!” she said, forcing a nervous laugh out of her as she quickly walked back to the table._

_Dimitri was confused. It was only a Crest, why was she suddenly on edge? True, she’d never brought up a Crest before, but it wasn’t as if he’d asked about it either. He knew not everyone looked at Crests in a good light, but this felt strange. He put the book back on the shelf, bringing the chair with him back to the table where Katrina was now trying to gather as many books in her arms as possible. While he wanted to respect her privacy, seeing her like this made his chest ache. He had to get to the bottom of this._

_He gently placed a hand on her shoulder, trying not to startle her. “Katrina, it’s alright. It is only your Crest, there’s no need to freak out.” He hoped his words would calm her down, but she just continued to frown as she looked around the library. After seeing whatever it was she’d been looking for, she let out a deep breath and put the books down on the table._

_“It’s not that…’ she said. “Listen, what I’m about to tell you is something that has to be kept secret. No one else can know about it, alright? Promise me you won’t tell anyone!”_

_This hadn’t been what he expected, but if she was willing to talk then he’d listen to her. “I won’t speak a word of this to anyone, you have my word.”_

_She stood in silence, trying to find the right words to say. It took her a while before she finally spoke, and she could only look down at the floor as she did. “My Crest is...rare. So rare that it’s not supposed to be public knowledge. It’s been in my family for generations, but it doesn’t always show up. But I guess I got lucky, if you want to call it luck, and was born with it. The Minor Crest of Chevalier. Ever since I was young, I was told not to reveal the identity of my Crest to anyone, and until now only two people knew about it. Even the Archbishop told me not to tell anyone when they tested me for their records. I don’t know why I have to be so secretive about it, but I’ve done my best to keep it hidden like I was told to. I wish I didn’t have this stupid thing, my life would be better off without it.”_

_Dimitri stood in silence, processing all the information he’d just been given. Katrina not only possessed a Crest, but a rare one thought to be lost. And from the heavy tone of her voice, it was one that she viewed as a burden. It was a lot to take in. Without even thinking about it that much, he grabbed her hand and gave it a soft squeeze, getting her to look up at him. “I...do not know what to say that can help you,” he admitted. “But my promise to you remains true. I will not tell anyone about your Crest. I will not prod for more details about it either, not unless you are comfortable with giving them to me. I will not let your trust in me be misplaced.”_

_Katrina gave him a small smile. “Thank you, that means a lot.”_

_He looked back down at the table full of books. “Do you still want help putting these away?”_

_“Yeah, I definitely went a bit overboard grabbing them,” she said with a sigh, picking up a book she must have decided she didn’t need. “I can always write down a list of the other ones and give them to Claude if he needs more.”_

_So they went to work putting away the excess books. In the middle of doing so, a thought occurred to Dimitri. Katrina had said two people knew about her Crest. He assumed one of them was Claude, since she said he was someone she could talk to easily about mostly anything, but the identity of the second person stumped him. He tried to think of who else she would tell. He went over the options in his head, until he finally managed to settle on someone. He wasn’t sure about how right he was, so he decided he had to ask. He just had to approach it in a manner that wasn’t rude. “Forgive me for asking, but does that Balthus fellow know by any chance?”_

_Balthus, one of the members of the unofficial fourth house the Ashen Wolves, who lived underground in Abyss. Their existence had been a surprise, but now he was used to seeing them. If he remembered correctly, some of their students also had rare Crests thought to be lost, and Balthus in particular…_

_Katrina looked at him from the bookshelf. “Oh, he knows alright,” she laughed as she put away another book. “Not sure how he found out, but he did. It’s a bit of a shock actually, learning that we share the Crest of Chevalier. He barely questioned it though, deciding that I was his little sister right there on the spot. Said something about how our shared Crest makes us practically family anyway. Pretty ridiculous, huh?”_

_Dimitri smiled, the idea of Balthus just deciding Katrina was his younger sister was rather amusing. “Indeed it is. Though I suppose there are worse options out there for an older brother.” He turned back to the bookshelf._

_“Ah, yeah, fair point…” she muttered, just loud enough that he could hear it. The tone of her voice told him that this wasn’t something he should press further. Even if she didn’t realize it, her tone betrayed her feelings at times, giving away more than she would’ve liked. He’d picked up on it rather quickly, never bringing it up but making sure he proceeded with their conversations as needed. He didn’t enjoy seeing her get upset, and he didn’t want to push anything that would make her uncomfortable. After all, he had his own secrets to hide, he wasn’t about to pry into hers._

\---------------------------------------------

Dimitri knew something was wrong the moment he woke up.

The morning glory from the day before still rested by his bed, beginning to wilt. It hadn’t been replaced last night. He’d gotten so used to the new flowers appearing every day, it was just natural. So to see the sad flower still in its vase was a cause of concern. Of course, he tried to rationalize it. Katrina had clearly been the one leaving the flowers, so the fact that a new one hadn’t appeared simply meant that she’d gotten sleep. At least that’s how he decided to rationalize it. And knowing her, she’d probably visit once again, perhaps she’d bring a flower with her then.

But as the hours dragged on and Katrina didn’t appear, he began to worry.

True, he wanted her to keep her distance, but she wouldn’t just do so overnight. Something was wrong. And he had to get to the bottom of it.

He stood up from the bed, wincing slightly from the pain, and made his way to the door so he could find her. But as he made his way to open it, someone from the other side did it for him. A small part of him hoped it would be her, but another face grinned at him.

“Dimitri! Just the man I was looking for,” Claude said. He looked over his shoulder at Manuela and Flayn, the two who were in the infirmary that day. “Hope you don’t mind, but I have to borrow his Highness for a moment.”

“Whatever you want, I don’t have time for it,” Dimitri began, ready to push aside the Alliance leader. “I have more important-”

“It’s about Katrina.”

Dimitri froze in place. So it was true? Something had happened to her? “What’s happened?” he asked, his voice laced with worry that he hadn’t been able to hide.

“Relax, I’ll tell you, but right now we need some privacy,” Claude said. “Follow me and I’ll tell you everything.” The duke turned around, leading Dimitri to the third floor.

Dimitri followed, concern wracking his body. Did something happen to Katrina last night? Was she captured? Was she injured? Or worse, was she…? No, he couldn’t think such things. He had enough ghosts haunting him, he didn’t need her to join them. Claude was always hard to read, never showing his true emotions, but if the situation was dire he’d be worried. Whatever Claude had to tell him, it couldn’t be too disastrous.

The two entered the balcony of the third floor, Claude shutting the doors leading inside behind them. “This should work fine,” he said. “Not many people come up here what with Lady Rhea still missing. Only Cyril comes up here, and it’s mostly to keep Rhea’s room clean for her. He won’t bother us.”

“Where is she?” Dimitri asked, glaring at the man in front of him.

“Getting straight to the point then? Alright, no need to dance around the subject,” Claude’s expression turned much more serious. “I don’t know where exactly she is, she’s spending time on her own at the moment. Could be in the sauna, the dining hall, her own room, but she’s not doing well, Dimitri. She’s getting worse. She didn’t get any sleep at all last night.”

She still hadn’t slept? “She didn’t listen...I told her to spend the night-” Dimitri began, but stopped when Claude raised his hand.

“She came to me just as you told her to. But that didn’t help her,” he said, putting his hand back down. “She’s past the point where that sort of thing can fix her insomnia. You and I can both see it, she’s reaching her breaking point. If nothing happens to stop it, she’ll push herself past her limits.”

Dimitri narrowed his eye. He was well aware of her mental state getting worse. She was too busy sticking her nose where it didn’t belong to fix it. “What do you expect me to do then? If you, her own betrothed, can’t help her then what can someone like me do?” he growled. In truth, he wasn’t angry at Claude, but his anger had nowhere else to go.

Claude sighed, turning his head to look out below the balcony. “Dimitri, how much has she told you about the past five years? What she’s been going through the past five years specifically.”

He stopped for a moment, realizing that with all the time she’d been spending around him, she never said anything about what happened with her since the war began. She talked about other things, even what she knew about what happened with the others in the army, but never herself. She’d been avoiding it. “She’s told me nothing.” he said, his voice heavy.

“Just as I thought. Getting it out of her was hard even for me to do. She must have her reasons for not explaining things, but you need to know what’s going on.”

Dimitri nodded his head, crossing his arms. “Very well. Let’s get this over with then.”

“The past five years have caused a lot of political turmoil in the Alliance. The noble families have been torn between fighting the Empire, or supporting them,” he began. This was information Dimitri already knew, he’d managed to pick things up while he was on the run. “House Richter has been on the edge of that line. Being a small noble family, it’s hard to tell what they’ll gain based on who they ally themselves with and what they’ll lose if they pick the wrong side. It doesn’t help that Katrina herself has been struggling in her own home. After Teach disappeared, she was sent straight back home and essentially got put under house arrest. She couldn’t leave at all. And when she tried to sneak out to meet up with us like we’d promised as students, she got caught. It took her months to join up with us.”

The information he was being given was a lot to take in, but that last point managed to shock Dimitri. Even while he’d been on the run, he’d known about the Alliance army Claude had built up, but he didn’t know Katrina hadn’t been by his side from the beginning. He’d expected her to be with him even before they arrived at the monastery. “How long has she been here?” he asked.

“About a month longer than you,” Claude answered. “We were taking the Great Bridge of Myrrdin when she found our army.”

Such little time? She’d been kept locked away for so long…But something didn’t add up. “House Ricther isn’t near the bridge, how did she get there?”

A solemn look crossed Claude’s face. “That would be for reasons I don’t think I have the right to say. And it might need more explaining that I can’t provide,” he said. So it was a matter he’d have to ask Katrina about, if she was even willing to talk about it. “Anyway, the state of her house didn’t just affect her freedom, it affected the political matters as well. Because her family struggled with choosing who to ally with, that left matters between our houses in limbo as well. I kept in contact with her in secret, but our families didn’t speak in those five years. And when they finally decided to pick a side, it was the dissolvement of our engagement.”

Dimitri’s eye widened. They weren’t engaged anymore? But Claude was set to become the head of the Alliance! Breaking off an engagement like that was ridiculous, especially for a small noble house like House Richter. The only reason they would do that would be because… “So they sided with the Empire.”

“Exactly. Well, the current head of House Richter made that choice on his own. Seems he didn’t care much for honoring the agreement our houses made.”

“Why are you telling me all of this? What do the affairs of her family have to do with me?”

“It’s not you they have anything to do with,” Claude said. “It’s her.” Dimitri didn’t answer, so he continued. “When she finally came here, she already had the weight of the war and her house on her shoulders. The past five years have placed their toll on her. She hid it pretty well from everyone else, but behind closed doors she was a wreck. I don’t think I need to tell you how that went,”

He didn’t. Dimitri recalled the nights he’d seen her like that. They’d been heartbreaking to witness.

“Now she has another weight on her shoulders. One that she isn’t able to carry with the others combined. It’s too much for her. The other weights can’t be removed, not yet, but the new one can.”

Dimitri looked up, a glimmer of hope in his eye. “And how can this weight be removed?” he asked.

“Well, if a certain someone would just open up a bit more, that’d solve a lot of the issues.”

The glimmer of hope faded away. Dimitri turned away from Claude. “I...I can’t,” he said, a tremble in his voice. “My sins are not hers to carry, my weights are too heavy for someone like her. They are mine and mine alone, I will not drag her down with me!”

He turned back to see Claude was frowning, he looked downright angry. He walked over to Dimitri, locking their gazes as they stood face to face. “So you’d rather watch her crumble then? Your battles may not be hers to fight, but she isn’t looking to solve them all. She just wants to talk with you again, is that too much to ask?”

“Yes, it is!” Dimitri growled back. “I am a monster, Claude! Nothing good will come of her associating herself with me! She will only be put through pain and suffering! Is that what you want to happen?!”

“What I want is for Kat to find happiness and freedom, that’s all I’ve ever wanted when it comes to her,” Claude responded, his voice steady and calm throughout. “She deserves to walk whatever path she chooses, and I will support that path. Besides, she’s suffering even more from your reluctance!” He grabbed Dimitri’s shirt and pulled him down, quite a feat considering their difference in stature. “You don’t have to give her your burdens! You have to communicate with her! You still care about her just as much as I do, don’t you?”

Dimitri froze at those words. Yes, he cared about her too much. He still loved her. He wanted to return her affections. But he didn’t feel deserving of them. He looked down at the ground, his anger making way for regret. “Of course I do…” he muttered. “Which is exactly why I must keep her away. She deserves better than me, she deserves someone who won’t destroy her.”

Claude’s grip loosened on his shirt as he sighed. He was about to speak again when both of their attentions were drawn towards a knocking at the doors. He turned to give Dimitri a look, making it clear that this discussion wasn’t over, before walking towards the doors and putting a smile back on his face. Dimitri watched as he opened the doors, seeing Byleth standing there. “Teach! You need something?” he asked.

Byleth glanced over at Dimitri, a look he assumed was meant to be shock lining her features. She was always hard to read. Though with how reclusive he’d been, anyone would be shocked to see him outside of the infirmary. She looked back at Claude. “Sorry, was I interrupting something?” she asked.

Claude shook his head. “No, I was just having a talk with his Highness there,” He pointed back at Dimitri. “What do you need?”

Byleth frowned. “It’s Katrina, I found her in the Golden Deer classroom crying.”

Claude turned back to face Dimitri. “Maybe you’ll get a better idea if I showed you instead of told you. Come with me.”

Dimitri quickly followed behind him, his concern outweighing his convictions.

\-------------------------------------

_After what felt like an eternity, most of the books had been placed back on their shelves. They’d managed to narrow it down to three books, with a list of the others Katrina had found should they be needed. The table was now free of books, aside from the ones they’d narrowed down to. Dimitri had grabbed the last stray book when he noticed that it wasn’t anything to do with Crests like the others. It was just a standard novel, with a detailed drawing of a rose on the cover. He smiled at it, she probably grabbed this for herself. He walked up to her and handed the book over. “I believe this one was meant for you?” he asked._

_Katrina looked down at the cover, smiling as she took it from his hands. “I forgot I grabbed this,” she said, gazing at the cover. “It’s one of my favorites, actually. I’ve read it so many times that I’ve lost count.” She let out a nervous laugh, and while he didn’t dare say it out loud he thought it was rather cute._

_“If it’s one of your favorites, it must be a good story. What’s it about?”_

_Her eyes lit up at his question as she gave a beaming smile. “Oh, it’s a story about a prince who’s been cursed to look like a beast, and a young woman travels to his castle to rescue her father and learns to love the beast for who he really is!” she went on, ecstatic to be describing the plot of this book. “It’s such a wonderful story full of magic and growth and true love and-” She stopped, looking down at the corner of her eye. “Sorry, I started rambling, I tend to do that with things I like.”_

_There she was, feeling down about herself and refusing to look at him. He understood it was one of her quirks, but it was one that made his heart sink. “There’s no need to apologize, it’s perfectly natural to talk about something that brings you joy like that. I would love to hear you talk about these stories as much as you want. I am happy seeing you happy.”_

_She looked back at him, her mouth in the shape of an O. “You mean that? You don’t mind if I go on and on about these books?” she asked, and from the tone of her voice it sounded like she didn’t expect anyone to tell her that._

_Dimitri gave her a nod. “Of course I do. Please, feel free to talk about them to your heart’s content,” He meant to stop there, but more words slipped from his mouth. “In fact, feel free to talk to me about anything. I understand that there may not be things you are willing to discuss, I just wanted you to know that I will listen to anything you may have on your mind. So please, do not hesitate to talk to me about whatever may be on your mind.”_

_The two of them stood there, frozen by his gesture. Dimitri began to worry that he went too far, that he had no right to make such an offer to her. He hadn’t even meant to say it out loud like that, it simply happened. Perhaps he could play it off as a joke or something._

_Katrina gave him a soft smile, one that felt like the sun itself beaming at him. “Thank you Dimitri, I’ll make sure to keep that in mind.”_

_“Ah, yes, that’s good to hear!” Dimitri stammered. “Anyway, that book of yours, I suppose you intend to read it again?”_

_“Oh, no, actually. The thing is…” Katrina held out the book to him. “I grabbed it for you.”_

_Dimitri’s eyes widened. “For...For me?”_

_“Yeah, I told you I wanted to find something for you to read, and I figured the best place to start was something I liked. Since I didn’t know what kind of books you would like and all. But if you don’t want to read it, I’m sure I can find something else for you.”_

_“No, that won’t be necessary. I’d be happy to give it a chance,” He grabbed the book out of her hands, smiling at her kind gesture. “Thank you, Katrina.”_

_“You’re welcome, Dimitri!” She looked down at her shoes for a moment before looking back up at him. “Say, you said I could talk to you about anything, right?”_

_“Yes, is there something you wish to discuss?” He wondered why she was asking so soon._

_“It’s just...um...can I call you ‘Mitri’?” She rushed the question out so quickly, he almost didn’t register it. “You can say no if you don’t want to, or I can just do it when we’re alone! You don’t have to say yes!”_

_Ah, she was giving him a nickname. He’d seen her do this with other students she got along with. Sylvain had been shortened to “Sylv”, a student named Linhardt from the Black Eagles had become “Linny”, and Claude seemed to get special treatment by being called “Sunflower”. He had always hoped that he would be given one, and it seems that hope was becoming a reality._

_“‘Mitri’, is it?” he asked, hearing it on his own tongue. It felt more natural coming from her. “Of course you may call me that. I would be honored, actually.”_

_Katrina let out a breath neither of them realized she’d been holding. “Alright then! Thanks for helping me with all of this, Mitri!” He liked the way it sounded coming from her more than when he said it himself. He’d have to come up with something to call her at some point, it was only fair. “Make sure you read that book, and tell me what you think of it! I’d be glad to hear your opinion!”_

_“I will tell you when that happens. I look forward to discussing it with you.”_

_“Am I interrupting anything?”_

_The two turned their heads, seeing Claude leaning against the library entrance with a smirk on his face. Dimitri still knew so little about him, but he felt as if that smirk was permanently plastered on his face. “Good to see you, your Highness. I was wondering what was taking Kat so long. She’s been gone for hours!” He made his way in, walking next to them and placing a hand on her shoulder. “But now I see what’s gotten her so distracted. Guess I can’t blame her for enjoying the company of a prince.” He gave her a knowing wink._

_“Claude! I-It’s not like that!” Katrina said. “I went overboard in grabbing books and he was just helping me put them all away! Honest!”_

_Claude chuckled, enjoying the way he managed to fluster his fiance. At least, that’s what Dimitri assumed. It was all just playful teasing. “I believe you, don’t worry. Though I hope you didn’t take up too much of the prince's time.”_

_“No, not at all,” Dimitri spoke up. “I offered to give her a hand, it was no trouble at all.”_

_Claude smirked at him, clearly knowing something he wouldn’t divulge. That boy was a mystery. Katrina handed him the books and he nodded in approval. “These are perfect. Now come on, we should head to the dining hall before Raphael eats our meals,” He looked back up at Dimitri. “Care to join us? There’s plenty of room at our table.”_

_“I appreciate the offer, but I am afraid I must decline,” Dimitri said, gripping the book Katrina had given him. “I promised Annette and Mercedes I would join them, and I would like to get in some light reading before I go.” He saw Katrina smile, knowing exactly what he planned to read._

_Claude shrugged. “What a shame. Perhaps some other time then. I’d like to know you better after all, especially since Kat’s taken such a liking to you.” Katrina jabbed him in the arm, which only caused him to laugh._

_“Indeed. We shall have to have a meal one of these days.”_

_“The offer remains open whenever you’d like to take it. Have fun reading your book!” Claude made his way out of the library, Katrina following him. She looked back at Dimitri with a smile and a wave._

_“Bye Mitri! Hope you enjoy the book!”_

_Dimitri waved back, looking down at the book once she left. Well, he might as well get started reading it. He sat down in one of the chairs, preparing to immerse himself in the story she recommended._

\-------------------------------

Claude, Dimitri and Byleth didn’t even need to look inside the classroom to tell Katrina was still crying. They could hear her muffled sobs from the courtyard. The sound caused a familiar sinking feeling in Dimitri, he knew this sound and had come to loathe it as a student. Though he also knew she could get worse. He’d seen it for himself, and he had no desire to see it again. Looking inside the classroom, the trio saw her sitting at one of the tables, head buried into her arm on the table as her chest heaved with her crying. Claude was right, she was reaching her breaking point. She was starting to slip, but that wouldn’t last for long.

“Teach, did she tell you what caused this?” Claude asked, keeping his voice low so as to not gain Katrina’s attention.

Byleth shook her head. “I tried to ask, but she wouldn’t answer,” she stated. “I’m not...good at handling this sort of thing, so I came to you instead. I figured you would have an idea.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll take it from here. Just make sure no one comes this way, alright?” Byleth nodded and walked away, leaving the two by themselves. Claude turned to face Dimitri. “Now you see why I came to you for this?”

Dimitri just stared at Katrina, resisting the urge to run over to her and hold her. In truth, he didn’t know. Perhaps it was to punish him, that made the most sense. He clenched his fist, holding back the tears he didn’t deserve to spill. “This is my fault,” he said. “I am the one who made her like this. This is why she doesn’t deserve me, I’ll only hurt her…”

Claude placed a hand on Dimitri’s shoulder and shook his head. “Dimitri, I’m not telling you this is your fault. We both know how she is. And she’s worried about you. She didn’t want to leave your side when you were passed out, she wanted to stay with you. I get it, you’re pushing her away because you’re worried you’ll hurt her, but pushing her away is only making things worse.”

“Then what am I-”

“Let her in.”

Dimitri couldn’t respond to that, the words were caught in his throat. “But I-”

“Not all at once, mind you, but just a little. Help lift that weight from her shoulders. She won’t turn you away.”

Dimitri looked down at the ground. The rational part of his mind knew he spoke the truth, but he couldn’t believe him. After everything he’s done, after everything he’s said, she would be justified in turning him away. “I cannot be what she wants me to be. The one she wants is dead, and has been for five years.”

“You really are dense, aren’t you?” Claude chuckled. “She doesn’t want some prince in shining armor or anything like that, she just wants you. Flaws and everything.”

Dimitri let out a humorless laugh. “I fail to see how she could want a monster like myself.”

Claude looked back into the classroom, frowning at the sight inside. “Look, I don’t know what else to tell you. But nothing’s gonna change if you keep her at a distance like you have.”

He wasn’t going to stop pressuring him. He had to give in. Let her in a little… “But how do I change that?”

“Easy. By going in there, holding her hand, and comforting her in the way only you can.” Claude gave him a pat on the back.

Would such a thing really work? That was a foolish question, it had to work. Something deep inside told him that, a memory of him holding her hand flashing in his mind. But one last question remained on his mind as he faced Claude again. “Why are you doing this? Anyone can see that you love her, and even if you’re not engaged anymore you have more right than I do to her. Not that she is an object of course, but still. Why push me towards her?”

“It’s like I said before, all I want for her is to find happiness and freedom,” Claude answered. “But it’s possible I’m not the one who can give her that, as much as I want to be. It’s also possible that I can’t give that to her on my own. Katrina’s got a big heart, she can hold more than one person in there. And who knows, maybe with the plans I have for Fodlan, she can keep two people in her heart. I want to see what path she decides to take, and see who she decides to take down that path. It could be you, me, or both of us. But the only way to know is to help her find it.”

Dimitri didn’t know what to say to that. The idea that she could want both of them was something he hadn’t considered, but oddly found that he wasn’t against. But was such a path truly within their grasp? Was walking down the same path with her even possible? Even now, the answer was unclear to him. But it was clear to him that she needed him now, even if it was only temporary. “Fine, I will...try to let her in.”

“See, that wasn’t so hard,” Claude said. He gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder and began to walk away. “Just do what you’ve always done, it’ll work like a charm!”

Dimitri decided to ignore the implications his words carried. He turned back to the classroom, taking a deep breath to steel his nerves, and walked inside.

Katrina hadn’t heard their conversation, her head was still lying on the table as small sobs escaped her. From the sound of it, she was calming down at least. The frequency and volume of the crying had gone down. But he knew that didn’t mean she was better. He froze in place, not sure how to begin. Did he say her name? Or touch her shoulder? Maybe sit down next to her? The answer would’ve been obvious to him five years ago, and he hated that he couldn’t figure it out now. Unable to come to a decision, he decided to just go with all three. So he took a seat next to her, and gently placed a hand on her shoulder. “Katrina?” he said.

Something he did worked, because she lifted her head up to look at him, and nearly jumped back in shock upon realizing who was there next to her. Now that he had a good look at her face, he could see that the dark circles underneath her eyes were very prominent, nearly matching his own in fact. Her eyes themselves were red from crying. Her hair was a mess and it looked like she’d only put in the bare effort possible when she got dressed. How could he have let this go on for so long? “Dimitri?! W-What are you doing out of the infirmary?! You’re not o-overdoing it are you?!” she asked, stuttering since she hadn’t completely finished crying.

Once again, she worried more about someone else than she did herself. It was a trait that was admirable at times, but mostly concerning. “I am fine, I am allowed to leave the infirmary without issue,” he explained with a stern tone. He had to direct her away from his troubles, this was about her. “You on the other hand, are overdoing it.”

Katrina lowered her head and looked down at the ground. “I’m sorry, I did go to Claude like you said, but it didn’t help…” she explained, unaware that he already knew.

He had to approach this carefully, for both their sakes. If he said or did too much, he’d risk opening either of their floodgates. He had to let her in a little. Words from long ago came to mind, back when he was foolish and hadn’t realized what should have been obvious. He took her hand in his own, something he should’ve done days ago, causing her to look back up at him in confusion. Her hand felt so warm in his, it was so familiar. But he had to focus on helping her. “Katrina, please, feel free to talk to me about anything,” he began, doing his best to speak in a gentle, concerned tone. The anger and frustration he’d been giving her wouldn’t work, he had to be honest. “I understand that there may not be things you are willing to discuss with me, but I wanted you to know that I am here for you. I am willing to hear anything that is on your mind, if you so choose.”

The silence that followed was so thick you could cut a knife through it. Dimitri looked to see Katrina clearly shocked. Did she remember that he had told her the very same thing when they were students? Or was the gesture simply a surprise? He had no idea what was going on in her head, there were too many possibilities to consider and not all of them were pleasant. The silence was becoming deafening, and he couldn’t stand it any longer. Just as he was about to stand up and leave, he felt her hand squeeze his. The shock had been replaced with a small, sad smile. Nothing to indicate that she was okay again, but the weight on her shoulders wasn’t as heavy anymore, at least that’s what he wanted to believe.

“Thank you, Mitri. I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.”

The utterance of the old nickname didn’t escape him. He desperately longed to hear that name again after so long going without it. Not that he’d ever tell her that, if she’d done it before now he would’ve cringed at it and demanded her not to use it again. But now? It was the most blessed thing he could hear. Perhaps Claude was right, letting her in a little bit couldn’t hurt.

“It is the least I can do for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot I could and want to put here, but I'll keep it simple. Obviously, there's still a lot for these two to get through, especially since I haven't even gotten to the big dramatic scene of this fic. But we're now getting to the point where Dimitri is willing to open up! Meaning now I can finally start writing him being sweet, even if it's just a little bit! Hope you're in this for the long haul, because we got a ways to go!
> 
> Also no love triangles here, but perhaps some polyamory. I got two potential endings for this fic, and I'll probably just write both of them at this rate. I can't decide which ending I want. But we're also not near the ending yet so why am I talking about it.
> 
> Next chapter is gonna get heavy, but for different reasons. It might also be a long one, we'll see.


End file.
